MIDNIGHT MUSINGS

 

Happy September. This is the first of the autumn months that rhyme with Remember. For many of us, it is a favorite month, and also a month of contrasts. Some of my happiest memories are in Septembers, and also some of my worst.  Tonight, I have been going a little wonky looking for a specific computer file and bringing up just about every memory I have kept for the last many, many years. My trips down memory lane are always a little on the melancholy side. I don't really like to relive old memories and peruse forgotten photos. I know that isn't a popular thing to say, and I feel guilty for even thinking it, but it makes me feel sad. I have a wonderful life and I try to enjoy every minute of it, but when I look back, I always go into "woulda, coulda, shoulda" mode. I think I feel like everything goes too quickly. When I look at old pictures or read essays I wrote years ago, I wonder where the time went, and why I didn't get more done. I need to make a September resolution to count the things I've accomplished, and not just the projects and ideas that fizzled.  

I have accomplished one big (for me) thing so far this month. My recent blog post about my old house is in a new local newspaper called "The Highland Scribe". It is published monthly, and 5,000 copies are delivered to businesses on the north side of the city. It has space for ads, and articles about local businesses, but also asks for creative contributions. My goal is to have articles published more frequently and in other venues. This was something that I wanted to do in the past, but never followed through with it. I am particularly excited that my blog address is included.

And I admit that I am tickled to be called Local Author!

Mystery of the Poppy Plates

We have lived here for nearly two years. One would think that everything would be in its' place by now, but that wouldn't be true. Since I don't want to have every wall covered, many of them are still a little too bare. That isn't the way of the sun room, since it is mostly windows. There are very few walls, so I must be selective. 

I have always liked this picture, so I was happy to find a place where it fit. It's a print of an oil painting by a self taught German painter named Max Streckenbach (1865-1936) who specialized in floral still lifes. This one is called "Poppies in Vase". He painted another one that looks like the same poppies. That one is named "Poppies in Bloom". Since I didn't want my picture to feel lonely, I wanted to add a few other items I've acquired along the way, specifically two hand painted plates and a few postcards. Since I didn't have a place for them, I put them away for later. I will repeat that. I put them away for later.

Eventually, I bought a vintage shelf that John hung on the other side of the doorway. I went to get the plates because I thought I knew exactly where I had stored them. And they were not there. So the search began. I looked in all the drawers and spaces that I thought they could be. Every little box and basket around the house... The two shelves in the front hall closet... The linen closet... The laundry room cupboards...The extra boxes in the sewing room... The office closet... Then I went to the basement. I tried the storage room. And then I looked through the holiday boxes in the furnace room. I have to admit that I was on a mission, and not about to be defeated.

Finally, today I found them. For some reason, I hadn't opened the little desk right below the picture. I did open the drawer, but not the desk. I had set them in two of the little cubbies because it was the most logical place. Now they are finally on the little green shelf across the wall. And I am happy to report that I did not have to purchase more old poppy plates from the local antique mall. In desperation, I had started to look.

Unfortunately, during my poppy plate quest, I didn't find any of the other items that are still missing. I have a complete tea set, with cups and saucers for four. Somewhere. I hope to find it before next March, since it is decorated with shamrocks. I have some more framed pictures. There are various craft supplies. I know I have another antique quilt. Somewhere. There was a long hunt for my trifle bowl. I finally found two. I won't even mention the books that have gone awol. 

I blame all this on moving so many times in the past several years. A couple of moves ago, I finally started a little notebook titled "Oh, Wherever Can It Be?" I try to list all the cupboards and drawers and boxes where I might have put things. It isn't always up to date but it really helps me (sometimes) when I'm looking for something. I hadn't listed the poppy plates. That would have saved a lot of time. Live and Learn.

TEA AND THE TELLY

 

I visited England for the first time twenty five years ago, but I had already been in love with the country for a long time before that trip. British books and British television have been a part of my life for most of it.

Since I live in the midwest, I had to find my England wherever I could. I first discovered Midsomer Murders on the public tv stations when we had few choices. Midsomer Murders will always be a favorite. The series started filming in 1997 and they are on their twenty fifth season now. (I know the numbers don't add up, but they have skipped a few, here and there.)The shows take place in the fictitious county of Midsomer, and many of the Cotswold villages. The villages have different names, but are real places in one of the prettiest areas of England. There have been over 388 murders in the 136 episodes. Many have been done very creatively.  And there has been very little blood. This series has some of the wittiest dialog and beautiful houses and scenery. 

I have learned a lot of valuable life lessons from this series. First, and foremost is to never go into the woods alone. Also don't go into the woods at night. Also if you answer the door and say "Oh, it's you." then you are almost sure to expire in a most tragic and unpredictable manner. Never plan a village fete. Someone will not live through the festivities. Don't eat mushrooms, especially if they were a gift. Elderly ladies on bicycles can be very dangerous. Don't eat the bunny cakes. Tea cures everything. Watch out for the milkman and the postman, or even the doctor. Sometimes they have ulterior motives when they come to call. It isn't always murder. There is a lot of hanky panky going on in those quaint little villages.

Other British channels to watch are Acorn and Britbox. Now there are so many choices. Some of the programs go on for years. Heartbeat has 18 seasons and each one has over 20 episodes. The Royal was a spin-off and some of the characters overlapped, especially in the first few seasons. Both of these shows take place in the 1960's and there are many, many songs from that time as background. Heartbeat focuses on the police force in the little villages and The Royal is set in a hospital. The two things I learned from these shows was that everyone offered visitors a cuppa tea all through the day and if you visited someone in the hospital you brought grapes! Neither of these programs focused on murder, but be prepared because they often killed off the main characters just when I really started to like them. It is very emotional television. There were many tears.

These are just a few of the many, many entertaining British programs. I like the mysteries the most. All the people are well bred and polite. We see the same actors over and over again as different characters. That's part of the fun.

When John first realized I was hooked on English murder, I think he was just a little bit worried. But he started watching them with me, and now I think he is just as involved as I am. Or, he just likes the nightly ritual of laying on the couch while I sit there rubbing his head and drinking tea. Old people romance.

 OUR STATE FAIR IS A GREAT STATE FAIR

 The Iowa State Fair is one of biggest and earliest fairs around. Many people will tell you that it is the best. It was established in 1854 in Fairfield Iowa. The fair was moved to its' current location in the capital city of Des Moines in 1886. 

It is perhaps most known because of a book written in 1932. The book, State Fair, became a best seller for the author, Phil Stong. He was an Iowan from Keosauqua. His book was first made into a movie in 1933, into a musical in 1945 and 1962 and a made for tv movie in 1976. The story was about a farm family who visited the Fair in the big city. They were full of hopes and dreams and the two teenagers were looking for romance. The book didn't end as happily as the movie. The parents did win some blue ribbons, even though their children ended the visit with broken hearts. I read that the book was banned in the hometown library for twenty five years because the teenage characters were considered to be too immoral to be Iowans.

Our own experiences at the fair are much tamer. John's family have been venders since1948 when his grandmother started selling lemonade. He retired in 2021, and two of his sons have taken over the business. Now that the young grandchildren are learning, they have five generations that have been involved with the Brafford concession stands. They currently have four stands and are best known for their lemonade shake-ups. They also sell hot dogs, tots, nachos, tacos and burritos and more.

Here is John with his three boys, and another little snapshot with the Pope. You can see just about anyone at the Fair.

John has gone to the Fair every year that he remembers. He's been working since he was old enough to shake a lemonade. Even though it only lasts eleven days, it's on the Brafford Boy's minds all year long. John's retired now, but he can't stay away.

A lot of my early family experiences revolve around the race track that used to be part of the fairgrounds. My dad was a stock car driver and later a race promoter. I went to my first race as a baby in a wicker basket.

My brother also had an interesting history with the Fair. In 1990, he drove a semi truck and jumped it over eight cars. It was called "The Great American Truck Jump" and was filmed at the Fair for the Guiness Book of Records. He performed this all over the country.  I guess my family had its' own version of the Shake-Up.  

My own experiences are quite different. Many years I didn't go at all. And I didn't really miss it. It was a big relief when I finally realized that I didn't have to go on the scary rides just because my friends did. The craziest thing I ever did at the Fair was perform with a belly dance troupe, the Rainbows of the Desert. That was quite a while ago, and there are no pictures. Now I like to see the quilts and needlework and especially the dollhouses. Other than that, I am just fine with people watching.

SCHOOL DAZE

No sooner do we finish with one holiday than it is time for another. I've put away my July decorations and the house looks bare. I never quite know what to do at this time. I know some people like to use a honeybee motif, or fruit. I usually have some summer themed buntings, and some sunflowers.  I will make a wreath for the door with them, and some back to school items. It is pretty low key, compared to some decorating extravaganzas we will have later on in the year! I do know some people who will be very involved with Halloween before this week ends. That is just too soon for me. I know it is already in the stores, but I prefer looking at the back to school things. I have always liked office supplies, even though I never liked working in an office. School supplies are just a mini version, and cuter. 

When my youngest child was finished with school, I visited the school supply aisle at Target and cried. Any sensible mother would have been crying at graduation, or when he moved away. Not me, I looked at all the different kinds of pens and papers and notebooks, and erasers, and pencil boxes, and backpacks, and I remembered all those years when we had picked out favorites. Yes, I am just filled with nostalgia when it comes to lunch bags. Is that normal? Probably not.

As it turned out, I didn't need kids in order to stock up on paper. One of the nice things about this time of year is the bargains.

I am partial to these plastic pencil boxes. They fit into drawers and I will fill them with beads and wire. Tape and picture hangers fit there too. Actually, all sorts of this and that find the way into these boxes.

Composition notebooks are everywhere in the stores now. I bought enough to last a good long while because they were only 37 cents! The fancier ones were a little bit more, but I cover the covers so it really doesn't matter. I use these books to make "junk journal planners", and it's a favorite thing to do.

The first step is to go through the book and tear out a page for every ten. It should be fairly even, so make it one ten pages in from the front, and ten pages in from the back. This is to keep it from getting too bulky. The remaining pages should be glued together in twos. Washi tape is fine for the outside edges. I use a book for two or three months at a time and print monthly calendars to put inside. And then comes the fun part. Collect pieces of your days. It is like the scrapbooks we made when we were kids. Anything can go inside. Last month I used my birthday cards, and even a small candle. These books can be a little lumpy. Anything from favorite quotes or daily to do lists will fill the pages. I also save a lot of receipts, business and appointment cards, chocolate wrappers, unusual tea bag packages, labels, and so much more. I use patterned papers to add extra pages and pockets, and often use lots of stickers. I use glue and tape and even staples for this journal. It isn't meant to be grand, but it will hold a lot of memories while not taking up much space.  And as a bonus, I use a lot of supplies that I have on hand.

A cute finishing, and wholly unnecessary touch are handmade dangles clipped on to each book. Once again, they use little bits of memorabilia. Items like buttons, beads, charms, ribbons, keys, tiny silverware, mini teacups are lovely when knotted together.

I learned to make these from you tube videos. The channel called Thrifty Day, run by a woman in California named Leah is filled with charming ideas and lots of conversation and enthusiasm.  Her work has a strong connection to Disney, and she manages to have fun with everything she makes. I have learned a lot from her, but she is quite a talker.

An Old House Journal

Which house is the one with the most memories? Is it our first house or the one where we lived the longest? Is it the house where we were happiest? Or possibly the one where we raised our children?  

This was the house my family lived in for over twenty-seven years. When we moved here in September of 1978, our oldest child was nine. His sisters were seven, four, and two. Approximately. Someone was always having a birthday. The next September, we added our last baby. He always thought the house belonged exclusively to him, since he was born here. This was the perfect house to raise a family. We had over four acres and were in the country, but also within walking distance of a Casey's convenience store. There was a nature preserve over the hill and behind the house, so it always felt very private. Our first house had been on a busy street, so this seemed like a miracle.

Although the area was perfect, the house wasn't. It was an old farmhouse, and it needed some work. The first thing we did was an addition upstairs. The house quickly went from two bedrooms to five, and we added another bath. 

I first saw the house when I was in my early teens. My friend's grandparents lived there and her family lived next door. Her dad was born there. We were never quite sure when it was built. Old newspaper insulation in the attic was dated 1884. Most people settled on 1893 as the correct date, so it was at least 133 years old now. We think it was the oldest house in the area. Rooms had been rearranged and changed a lot over the years. 

We started a remodeling that lasted all of my children's growing up years. They thought it was perfectly normal to have plastic hung over all the doorways to keep out the plaster dust from the old lath and plaster walls. The first winter one of the beds was covered in white every time it snowed. Often it was so cold upstairs in the winter that everyone raced to get out of bed in the mornings and claim one of the floor registers downstairs. Lots of new windows and insulation helped, but it was always cold. It was a house of too many doorways and windows, and many small rooms. It also had a lot of charm and we loved living there and changing it so it suited us. I still miss all the shelves and bookcases Jim built into almost every room.

There were more outbuildings than we needed. Especially after my husband had to build the new garage to house the 1950 John Deere B tractor that he surprised me with for my 50th birthday. Anyone who knows me will realize I am not a tractor kind of girl, so it didn't take much to realize that it was really a present for him. He loved taking care of it and giving the grandbabies rides around the yard. I actually got my first trip to England because of that tractor, so it worked out well for both of us!

My favorite little building was the old milk shed. I had a cottage herb business for a few years when the kids were young, and that became my workshop. I grew many of my herbs and flowers and made wreaths, arrangements and potpourris. I had walls of shelves filled with gallon jars of dried herbs. Those years were happy times, until allergies to oils and plants ended that career.

                                                                              

When our children were grown, it became too big for the two of us. Jim didn't enjoy mowing all those acres as much as he used to, and we no longer needed five bedrooms. He said I would just fill all the empty spaces with "stuff", so we decided to downsize. 

The couple who bought the house lived there for several years without changing much at all. When they listed it for sale, I walked through it, and was surprised at how little it had changed. The wallpaper I loved was still on the sunporch walls. Friends had often teased me because I kept it for many years and never got tired of it. I would still have it again if I could. Seeing my old house looking the same was such a shock, because my life had changed so much. I had lost the son who was born there, and then his father. I moved and changed jobs several times, and then married my wonderful John and moved two more times!

The current owners have lived there three years and made many changes of their own. A few months ago they decided to sell it and I walked through at another open house. This time was a real surprise as many walls had been opened up, and everything had a very modern feel. Beautifully decorated, but it was no longer the home I remembered. There were more changes in store, as the young family decided to stay, and to rebuild.  As I've said before, the location is perfect. They have a darling baby, several horses, cows, dogs, and chickens, and the land is well used. Construction will start soon. Last week all the outbuildings and many trees were taken down. Today the house was leveled. So much of my history was in that house. But they are making their own history now and I wish them well.

(I don't know how many times they filled this dumpster, but all that is left tonight is a small pile of rubble)

EASE, ELEGANCE, and ECONOMY

 

I am a big fan of Jane Austen. Even more than her books, I like her letters. Even though she was born two hundred and fifty years ago, she said a lot in her novels of contemporary nineteenth century life that still make sense today.

She wrote a letter to her sister, Cassandra, in July of 1808 that contained this passage: "In the meantime for Elegance and Ease, and Luxury...I shall eat ice and drink French wine, and be above Vulgar Economy." Jane did like a good vacation.

Many years later I read these familiar words again in another book that I happened to find. This one was printed in  1971, and was one of my favorites when I was a young wife: 

It's out of print now but used copies can still be ordered through book stores. I liked it because it was funny, yet filled with charts and schedules. I remember she said that the only thing she really liked about housekeeping was arranging red roses in crystal vases. 

The words I remember most were her opinions on ease, elegance, and economy. Basically, she said that you can never have all three at the same time. You can always have two of them, but never all. And it changes. If you want to buy something, make something, entertain someone, or just do something wild and crazy for yourself, then one of these will have to be excluded.

It's possible to plan a party with ease and elegance, but not with economy, because you will have to spend more money. You can have an elegant, economical party, but it won't be easy, because you will be doing most of the work yourself. Or you can just throw something together and make it easy and economical, but you'll be missing all those fine touches that make it elegant!

I'm not sure why this has stuck with me for fifty years, but it applies to just about every situation. I'm not sure what happened to my copy of the book, but it is worth reading more than once. I remember making some pretty elaborate schedules when my kids were small. 

Another housekeeping book I liked was this one:

For quite a while I kept my whole life on index cards. The authors' motto was "We change lives with 3 x 5's. They were two sisters, Pam and Peggy, and were hilarious. They had a tv show for a while, and I always tried to watch it. They were even keynote speakers at a convention I went to, and let me be their assistant, because I wrote them a really schmaltzy fan letter. They wrote back to me. I probably still have it somewhere. I finally got rid of all their newsletters, and instantly regretted it.

Another homemaker author I enjoyed was Peg Bracken and her "I Hate to Cook" book and "I Hate to Housekeep" book. As people can probably tell, I am drawn to the funny and the ridiculous advice books, as long as they teach me something I want to learn.

And, then, of course there is Martha Stewart, who tried to make us think that we could have the Three E's, although I never feel that economy is involved. One year I wanted to use one of her Christmas ideas, but I realized that just the ribbon would cost my entire budget. And Martha isn't funny. Impressive, but not funny.

Today, I still enjoy all the housekeeping and decorating tips, but am becoming addicted to YouTube videos. Everyone I see has a perfect life. Recently, I've been watching several of the videos called "Wise Elders Insights." They are filled with good advice for our twilight years, but not with a lot of humor. They are narrated with a very soothing voice that makes me feel like I must have known Jane Austen personally.  (I might be a little touchy since I just had a birthday!) I'm still hunting for the perfect clean your house, organize your day, be clever, and enjoy your life and laugh whenever you can information. I know it must be out there.

Seventy Six

 

I celebrated another birthday yesterday. I received this cute little red velvet cake in the mail. It is cake for one (but I will share) and even came with a candle. It was a good day but on the quiet side. I did a little shopping and went to the thrift stores everyone seems to love lately. We were going to go out, but both decided to order a pizza instead.

I am really a pretty quiet person. I like to stay home. I can go days and days without leaving my house. Last week I had to be social four days in a row. I went to a funeral, a family reunion, a birthday dinner, and a long lunch with friends. That might not sound like a lot, but it was. Except for my cousin's funeral, they were all enjoyable occasions, but still wearing. Does this mean I am old? As a friend says, anything over seventy-five is almost eighty. And I am getting a lot more Facebook ads for wrinkle cream.

It really doesn't seem like almost a year since I wrote "Seventy five at Seventy Five." I just read it again, and I hope you will too. Parts of it make me feel pretty profound.

76. Make sure to actually do more of the things on my list this year.

 I am mostly an online shopper. I love the convenience, the almost instant availability, and especially being able to shop in the middle of the night. That can be a problem since we all know that no good decisions are ever made after midnight.                                                                                                       

When I was a teen, shopping with friends was a favorite activity. In fact we used to get dressed up to go shopping. I also liked to take the entire day to shop by myself. It didn't happen often, but I always looked forward to it. As a young mom, the grandparents would watch the little ones on Friday nights so I could go to the grocery store and mall by myself. Jim worked from 6am to11pm the first few years of our marriage, so I didn't get away by myself very often. Most of the time I had a gaggle of children with me. They were usually pretty well behaved. They do still shudder at any mention of  "The Pink House", which was a needlework store I loved to visit. They didn't. It was in an old victorian house and wasn't really very child friendly. 

Most of the places I shopped were pleasant. Many of the small boutique stores would have an area for children with color books and small toys.

I've always liked the little stores, junk stores, and antique shops. It's been a long time since I spent a whole day at "The Mall". In fact I still think of our largest retail mall as new, even though it's been here for over twenty years.

I did go shopping for a while yesterday. I don't last a whole day anymore. My local craft store (JoAnn's) has closed, and I have a really hard time finding what I want at the other stores. So it wasn't my most successful trip. And, of course, now it is Christmas in July. Nearly half of the places I went have tremendous displays of Halloween and Christmas items. I am not ready yet. But, by the time I am, I already know that the items I want will be sold out.

My main objective right now is to shop from the things I already have. I already know that I will never live long enough to actually use all the things I've already accumulated. But, why is it that I never have the one item that I need?

Happy July!

 July is my birthday month, and I am immature enough to celebrate it like a child. In fact, now I celebrate all month. I know a lot of people say that they don't even notice their birthdays or think the day isn't special, but I have always believed that it should be an exciting and whimsical day. After all, we only get one birthday a year.

I think that since it is the middle of the year, and the middle of summer, that should be enough of a reason for a party. When I was a teen, my friends all gave me a surprise party for at least two of my birthdays. One was a regular boy/girl party, and I think I found out about it ahead of time. I remember that someone (my boyfriend, I think) gave me a Barbra Streisand album. She was one of my favorite singers. The second party was early morning. I was staying at my friend's house, and everyone woke me up. I remember my orange pajamas, and bright blue scarf covering my pink sponge hair rollers. Everyone else was dressed. I was so happy that only girls were invited to that one. We had a delicious breakfast and presents. I still think that was a really clever way to have a surprise party.

Through the years there have been lots of family birthday dinners, and time with family. I have had a lot of birthdays.

Once we drove into the country to buy a load of antique bricks to make a patio at our first house. The truck broke down, and it was a hot and crabby day. And then we unexpectedly sold the house, and never even got to use the patio.

I've always tried to take the day off work for my birthday. Usually I've gone shopping by myself, or out to lunch with a friend. When I couldn't get the day off, I was probably whiny and miserable. One year, my work friends had a little party for me, and someone sent me flowers, so I actually got a lot of attention. They even decorated my desk.

One terrible summer, I had a birthday in the middle of radiation treatments, and the nurses brought me a cake. They had noticed the date on my chart, and surprised me with it. Cake always makes a bad day better.

Another time I attended an embroidery class with a nationally known teacher who had come to Iowa. That was an enjoyable day. I did refrain from telling a roomful of strangers that it was my birthday, even though I was singing Happy Birthday to Me on the inside.

 I like to celebrate from midnight to midnight. I have always believed the whole day should be memorable. Many times I've written in a journal, reflected on the past year, and made resolutions for the next one. I also try to do a tarot card reading.

One year everyone forgot my birthday. Everyone. That was the year I decided to celebrate by myself, and make sure every year was special.

My first year alone, I was going to buy myself a little present every day. That only lasted a few days because I spent my whole budget on an antique desk that I found and loved. It had to spend a few years in storage with most of my other furniture when I lived in the fraternity house, but I was thrilled to get it back again.

Birthday cards are another thing that I keep. That probably isn't a surprise to anyone. I really like the nice ones. I used to get a monkey card almost every year from my late husband. He knew to also get a pretty one too. I'm glad that John hasn't kept up the monkey tradition.

One tradition that I do every year is to make a New Moon List on the first New Moon after my birthday. It sounds very greedy, but the list has to be physical things that you hope to get in the next year. The first one I saved was in 1992! I put them in a sealed envelope and open it on my birthday. I did forget once and made the list on a full moon instead. I don't think any of my wishes came true that year. I put the date on my calendar. It's a silly tradition, I know. I'm not even sure where I learned about it.

I believe everyone should make their own silly traditions and that whenever your special day is, it should be celebrated. I'm planning to have a good July. I hope you are too.

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Daily Joys and An Anniversary

As I was idly looking through past blog posts, I started reading them all. When I got back to the beginning I realized that this is my anniversary month. I started my blog in June, 2005. It was first called "The Victorian Gypsy". Twenty years ago!!! Sometimes I feel that maybe I am still writing about the same things. And then I realize that of course I am, because these are the words of my life. I've talked about things I like to do, things I like to see, things I like to make, people I have loved, houses where I've lived, and moments that broke my heart.

I keep coming back to the same stories, hopefully with a new twist. I am always looking for ways to be more organized. I always like to decorate my house with items that have a history or are handmade. I only like recipes that are quick and easy. I still procrastinate. I enjoy traveling and reliving my trips through photos. I also like to make lists, and keep notes that don't always make sense when I read them later.

There were lots of times when I didn't write. I had moments of deep grief when it was all I could do to keep going through the fog. I can see those times in the blank spaces, but I didn't want to write about them here. I need to write, but I didn't always want to share.

Before I started blogging, I had a group on Yahoo called "Living With Intention" or "IntentionalWoman". It never had a big following, but I had big plans. This was during a much busier time in my life, when I expected every day to have a happy ending. It looks like my head was full of the same stories as now! Here are a few excerpts from those writings. They were many years ago but are still relevant:

"I am concentrating right now on decluttering--my life and my head. I read that it is very important to list your complaints and clear out what you don't want. This helps us to see the things that we do want. Then list the five things that are most important to you. Make these your daily joys and try to do something every day that relates to these five.

Are you making time for these five things? I discovered that I am consistently putting the most important items at the bottom of my list--just because I think I will have time to do them eventually"

"Think of all the years passed by in which you said to yourself "I'll do it tomorrow," And how the gods have again and again granted you periods of grace of which you have not availed yourself.                                  It is time to realize that you are a member of the Universe, that you are born of Nature itself, and to know that a limit has been set to your time. Use every moment wisely, to perceive your inner refulgence, or 'twill be gone and nevermore within  your reach."          --Marcus Aurelius (Roman Emperor 161-180AD)

Perhaps this quote from his Meditations sounds a bit dark, but that is not my purpose. There seem to be a lot of books and articles lately about slowing down, taking time for your life and doing the things that really matter. After years of thinking that maybe there is something wrong with us if we can't do it all, and that we should feel guilty when we take time for ourselves, suddenly it is okay to examine our lives and concentrate on the things and people that really matter. This is good. But, it is hard to do. Some days our lives are just a series of loose ends and minor annoyances, and no matter what we do, we haven't made a difference. That's why I am trying to remind myself of my own Daily Joys--they make me glad that I am here today and that I am heading in the right direction. As a culture, we don't like to believe that our time on earth is limited, even though we are conditioned to think that we never have enough time and that we are always rushed and overscheduled. Being busy and overworked and overwhelmed makes people feel validated. We think that we are the only ones who can do our work correctly. And that is not good.

How many of us are living for tomorrow? As I look around my home and office, I see so many projects, some unstarted, many unfinished. How much time do I really think I will have to do all those wonderful crafts and quilts, collages, and dolls? When will I write the best seller that surely lives within me somewhere? Sometimes it is so hard to be realistic about the way to spend time, because the process can be as involving as the project. When I am living for tomorrow I just keep starting new things, without the joy of completion, because I am counting on having those "periods of grace"

What Time Does the Clock Say?

I am not now, nor have I ever been a morning person. I've never really had a sleep schedule, except when I needed one. When my older children were teens, I didn't get up until they were done fighting over who got the bathroom. Every.schoolday.morning. We had two baths, but one had better lights for hair and makeup. After they were both beautiful, then I would get up with the younger ones. With five kids in ten years, there was never a dull morning. I enjoyed staying up late at night, when it was quiet. That's when I was at my most creative.

Spending nearly five years as a fraternity house mom didn't help my sleeping patterns. The House was pretty noisy til after 2am, and there were often fire alarms, police visits, general rowdiness, and cars slamming into our corner drive in the middle of the night. There were eight accidents while I lived there. It was a bad corner! Thanks to my now husband John for being my Prince Charming and rescuing me. (I really did enjoy my frat house adventures. Most of them.)

Just from my past history my brain doesn't want to go to sleep very early. I try to be in bed by midnight, but that doesn't always work.  Unfortunately, the earlier I retire, the longer it takes me to go to sleep. Tossing and turning. Wondering and worrying.  I love to stay up late at night, for a few reasons. I still like the quietness. Sometimes I watch tv, or read, or write, or sew. I drink herbal tea . And then I go right to sleep when I finally go to bed. However, I no longer have the stamina to follow that schedule more than a few nights in a row. When I stay up too late, I get cranky and need a nap. And not just a little nap. And if I don't take a nap, I want to sleep late on the mornings I don't have to go somewhere and be social. Then the only thing that makes me want to get up is the thought of coffee. I love coffee in the morning. I consider it essential. Curiously, I am mostly decaffeinated now, so that isn't my motivator.

This morning, after going to bed at 2:00, I accidently woke up at 6:00 and decided to be productive. I celebrated with freshly ground regular coffee in my french press. It was a gift from a friend, and I enjoy it when I am having an occasion.

          I always believe in occasions. 

 

 I have been on a diet or thinking about being on a diet for most of my life. Every day I start out making healthy food choices. But it usually doesn't last too long.

When I was very young, we moved next door to my nemesis family. They were all very tiny, delicate people, and constantly made me feel like a giant. In fact, my nickname became "Hippo". I'm not sure why, but that's what "BooBoo" called me. Now with a name like BooBoo, one wouldn't think he would have a lot to say about anyone, but he did. And I was crushed, from a very early age. By the time I was twelve, I had lost some of the baby fat, (with the help of my mother's diet pills!) and I went into the seventh grade without the ugly duckling image I had for so long. During my high school years and throughout my twenties and thirties I hardly ate. I was very careful. I seldom had dessert, and could make an Andes mint last a whole afternoon by taking teeny, tiny bites. I never felt thin, even though I must have been.

I went through all five pregnancies when doctors were advocating weight gains of less than twenty pounds. With one baby I only gained fourteen.

And then one day, I decided I'd suffered enough. I started eating dessert and never shared a mint again. And you can guess what happened.

I have been reading diet books forever. In fact, the first one I ever bought was called "How to Lose the Last 5 Pounds". I especially like to read diet books while I eat.

I've lost weight many times, but never as much as I wanted to lose. I was a regular at Weight Watchers for a while. More than once. I've tried the soup diet, the liquid protein diet, Jenny Craig, the protein shakes diet, the low carb and no carb, keto, south beach, egg and grapefruit, intermittent fasting, and more that I don't remember. I even buy Women's World magazines just to read the weekly diets. High protein, low carb seems to be the thing. I get lazy with anything I have to count, such as carbs, micros, macros, fats, and ounces of water.

I think I know what works for me, and I am trying to start it all again. If only I could follow the diet rules. I am sure there is some secret formula that I haven't learned. I'm reading a new book, and it stresses the right attitude. I think that may be where I'm a little low.

John has more willpower than most. I call him One Cookie John. He can actually eat one small cookie and be satisfied. Who does that?

He just informed me that he is on a diet. He will cut down, weigh himself a lot, and the pounds will fall off. Just like that. And I will probably eat the rest of the cookies by myself.