The Victorian Gypsy

 I would just like to send a reminder that I had another blog before this one. I wrote The Victorian Gypsy from 2005 until 2020. You can find a link on the sidebar or here. I changed to The Second Story when I had some technical problems. For some strange reason, I still get more views on the old blog. I am trying to make them both productive. Just thought I'd put that out there.

NECESSARY FRIENDSHIPS

Make new friends, but keep the old. One is Silver and the other is Gold

People come into our lives

for a reason, or a season. We will all have a lot of friendships that don't last, and a few that we treasure throughout our lives.

Friendships come in all shapes, ages, and sizes. Some of my very dearest friends are more than twenty years older or younger

 than I am. I recently lost a lovely lady who was always a role model to me. I've often thought of her as the person I wanted to be when I grow up. I admired her style, and grace, and the way she treated people. She was a young 97 when she left us. I know she will be missed by many.

There are necessary friends. And there are friends of convenience.

To a child, every day can bring an opportunity to find a new best friend. Requirements are simple. Spending time together and "playing nice" are usually the only rules. Quickly, without even thinking about it--who was your first best friend? Do you remember why you chose each other, and how important that friendship was? Think about the secrets she shared, and the secrets you told. Did that friendship last, and do you know where he or she is today?

Eventually, we all grow up, and find we can have more than one best friend.

We have the friends that remember us as we were when we were young. This can have a disadvantage when they refuse to believe that one is no longer the fat, yet gawky girl with no self confidence and no particular talent. It can also be a comfort, when we don't have to explain our feelings or our motives to these friends, because they have know us almost as long as we've been here on earth. I have a group of friends that I feel like I have known forever. We usually only see each other once a month, but the camaraderie  we share has never changed.

Sometimes we are attracted to friendships with people just because they are different than we are. It is good to experience the way a different culture or economic level thinks and lives.

Neighbors and other parents can become our friends. New mothers often go through a time when they feel that there is no one to talk to that understands their feelings. This is the time to find a lifeline in a mother's group, or a book club. Our crafting group began when our children were babies, and it is still going strong nearly fifty years later! It is imperative to have some contact with other moms, so that you can reassure yourself that you are doing the right thing, and that there is more than one right thing to do.

There are school friends and work friends. Sometimes we can share the deepest and most private details of our daily lives with our work friends. Often, once we change departments or companies, those friendships can disappear. They have served their purpose. Other times these will become forever friends.

There are the kindred spirits. Kindred spirits are my favorite friends These are the people you meet and you know immediately that they will have a place in your life and in your heart forever. They are the friends who will support you, even when they don't agree with you. They laugh with you and they cry when you need to cry.

There are friends you can travel with. And there are also friends that you can't. Usually, before you take a trip with a friend, it is a good idea to talk about the basics. Does she get up before the sun, and does she understand your need for coffee first thing in the morning? For me, being flexible is one of the most important qualities. I have a few friends who are perfect as traveling companions. We always have a good time, no matter what happens.

When a woman's children have grown up, and she is no longer involved in school activities, or has retired, she may suddenly find herself without a close circle of friends again. This may be the time to join a group or a guild and find other women with that need for friendship. 

Some women I have known say that their husband or their daughter is their best friend. I never believed them when I was younger. There is a possibility I was wrong, but I still think we all need other friends.

I have been lucky in my friendships. But, perhaps luck shouldn't be enough. It is too easy to take a friend for granted. Today is a good time to make a new friend or renew a friendship.  I have a couple of women in mind. Join me as I make a call, send a note, or meet a friend for lunch.

 

LIFE RULES

 

Many years ago, when my five children were growing up, and our house was in happy chaos, I heard the words "It's not fair" several times a day. Whether it was about who got the biggest treat, who went to bed first, or whose turn it was to wash the dishes, nothing was fair in their world. And my all purpose answer was always that it wasn't fair but it evens out.

Recently our world has been hit by too many things that make us want to shake our fists in the air and shout--"It isn't fair"--. War, protests, accidents, natural disasters, so many things that don't seem to have a reason. I like to know a reason for everything. I like rules. I like the fact of cause and result. Here are a few of the things that help me. These are the LifeRules that I am working toward. I don't always remember them, but when I do, they give my life a little more meaning and balance.

I believe we need to be generous.  Many times I've noticed that what we give comes back to us in many ways. Always be willing to share what you have. Be generous with your time, with your money, and with yourself.

Do you know someone who just seems to be lucky? I have a couple of friends who are. I can count on them to be the winners at raffles and lotteries, to get the best seats, and to always have things given to them. I admit that sometimes I feel a little jealous and get a bad case of the Poor Me's and feel that life isn't fair. Yes, I have been known to whine. Over time, I have noticed that these lucky women are always giving. They think about others and are there with help, and gifts, and acts of kindness. And this generosity finds it way back to them again and again.

I believe we need to be grateful. Appreciate what you have, both the big and the small. Try to remember to take time to notice the miracles that surround us. The more you look, the more you will find. 

And I believe we need to be prepared.  We never know what the future holds. The only certainty about life is its' uncertainness. Have a plan, both for your day, and your future. Do you know what important things you would need in an emergency? Do you have the necessary supplies? Do you know what really matters to you and why? Take some time, take stock, and think about where you are going in life and what you need.

Life isn't fair, but it evens out. Remember that, because it keeps us traveling in the direction that we need to be moving.  

2025 ADDENDUM:  

Recently I have been sorting through some of my old writings. They are musings I wrote after I got my first computer, and years before I started a blog. Although many seem outdated now, I am dusting them off and posting them here on The Second Story. I am planning to put them all together for that elusive book I sometimes talk about. (It will at least be organized for my children.)I wrote this over twenty years ago. It is still relevant to our world today. There were many times that I no longer believed that life evens out. For a time, I completely lost my faith in fairness, but now I am holding firmly onto it again.

“Life is amazing. And then it's awful. And then it's amazing again. And in between the amazing and awful it's ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That's just living: heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it's breathtakingly beautiful.”      ― L.R. Knost

                                    

“

Happy Valentine's Day

You'd never know the thoughts that grow

Within this heart of mine

Unless I told you in this way

My charming Valentine

I seldom entertain. But every once in a while, it is my turn and I go into a frenzy of getting ready. Months ago I decided it would be a good time to have our Questers group over in February for our monthly meeting and to see the house. Christmas would be put away and everything would look nice and well behaved after the holiday. It is not a secret that I am not a "just drop in anytime" kind of homemaker. If I don't know you are stopping by, I am very likely to have a mountain of some kind of project going on. Or I may be in my jammies, drinking tea and eating bon bons. But if I plan something, I want it to be perfect, at least in my head, if not in my house. 

We have had a very temperate winter here. Hardly anything you could call winter weather at all, especially for Iowa. But on the first Wednesday of February we had ice. Enough to make us all stay inside if we had any sense at all. So of course, my little meeting was cancelled. We moved it to the next Wednesday. So, naturally, we had a snow storm. And we cancelled again. I am trying one more time. Next week will be my post Valentine party with hearts and flowers that have been around just a little bit too long! And maybe a few St. Paddy's touches and Easter decor thrown in just for good measure.

My friends are lovely ladies but I am just a little intimidated by their beautiful houses and amazing antique collections. Questers is an international group that "keep history alive by supporting preservation, restoration, and education."  Small chapter groups meet once a month, and always have a program. Everyone shares a love of antiques and historical items.

 I grew up in a house filled with antiques and have collected a lot in the past. But I have moved many times in the last several years. Each time I have pared things down more and more. This last time we got rid of tons of stuff. I do not exaggerate. Of course, now I ask myself why I didn't keep the extra silverware? And enough dishes? And maybe a tablecloth? And more chairs? And all the cute, quirky, interesting items that used to be on my shelves and hang on my walls? I think I stay awake at night lately
wondering if my house is boring.

I'm not sure what happened here. This started out to be a post about the history of valentines. I have no discipline. No discipline at all.  

You'd never know the thoughts that grow

Within this heart of mine

January-The Good Madness

I am not depressed. I am not bored, or sad, or miserable. But I seem to have caught a slight case of the January Crankies. And I'm afraid that they come with a side of Crabbiness. And they are topped with a great big dollop of The Blahs. I'm really not sure why, because January is a month that I enjoy. I like the slower pace. I like to make lists, and to start new calendars. I like putting Christmas away, and enjoying the empty spaces before I start to decorate for another holiday.

But this year, none of that is working. I go shopping because I want something different. But then I just walk around the stores and come home with nothing, because nothing is what appeals to me most. I want to make wonderful meals, but I don't want to think about food. I feel ready to start that January fitness program, but lately my body feels better when I don't exercise. I want to start new creative projects, but not just yet. I have books to read, but none of them is the right one.

For several years, I have picked a word of the year. Some of my words have been Discover, Intention, Create, Magic, Wonder, Positivity, Organize, Mindfulness, and Minimize. This year my word is Curate, but I am starting to think it should be Wonky.

Maybe I have just needed this time to hibernate and recharge. And also to nap. I have always thrived on late nights and coffee. I notice I don't recover as well as I used to. Maybe this is my year to re-evaluate and change some of my goals. I can feel a tiny, little list forming in my head. All is well.

UNDECORATING

 The Twelve Days of Christmas are officially over on January the sixth. This is the traditional official time to put the holiday away. According to Irish custom, everything should be back to normal by that day. If it is all packed away by Epiphany, that brings good luck. I am all about the customs that promise luck.

I've been undecorating for the past several days. I saved the tree for today. I know a lot of people do it earlier, but I think it looks a little forlorn,  now that it is ready to be put downstairs in the storage area with all the boxes. Some want everything gone by December 26th. Since our celebrations are usually later, I don't think I could ever handle that. And to me, it just feels like much too soon. I really enjoy the decorations. I also enjoy the undecorating. I like packing every thing away in small boxes and big totes. I wrap a lot of the ornaments in tissue for safekeeping, and because it feels like a surprise when it's time to unwrap them. I enjoy that I have such a variety of ornaments, ranging from handmade for my first tree over fifty years ago, to ornaments from friends, and from places we've traveled, and ones that John and I have collected. This was our sixth Christmas together. Our decorated tree contains a lifetime story.

One thing left to do on January 6th is to put all the small nativity sets away. The Epiphany is the day to celebrate the arrival of the Three Kings. They are also called the Magi or Three Wise Men. It just doesn't seem right to put them away any earlier.

Another Irish custom that I've discovered is Nollaig Na mBan. This means "Little Christmas" or "Women's Christmas". Since January 6 is the end of all the Christmas cooking and decorating and undecorating, it's time for the women to finally take the day off. Organize a women's party or just a cup of tea and a visit with a friend.

Ending the Year

 

"The old year is worn and tired.

Time now to kiss it goodbye.

Take with you its wisdom-the authority

and the power of all you have learned.

Remember the past year with love,

but let go of its despair.

Live the year that lies ahead

with fresh energy and hope.

Be strong, have courage.

It is time for something new.

(An antique postcard)

I can't help it. The end of a year always makes me feel a little bit melancholy. 2024 was a good year. I have had some that were not, but not for a while. Every day I am grateful that I was able to start my second story with John. We both know that we were lucky to find true love, not once, but twice. And the simple things are the most important.

We had a good Christmas. It was another year that had a late start. We celebrated with John's family on the 27th and with mine on the 28th. There are just too many of us to do it all together! We did manage to get some pictures, but they are all on someone else's cameras.

For a happy New Year, open your door at midnight to let the old year out and the new year in. This is another of those customs that originated in Ireland.

In some countries it is believed that one should eat 12 grapes as the clock strikes twelve o'clock. 

Sometimes I am not awake or I'm busy writing in my journal, so I miss midnight completely. Tonight the two of us will be eating pizza and watching British tv. It has been awhile since we've been to a New Year's Eve party.

As the year comes to an end, I want to thank those of you who read my December daily posts, and especially the friends who liked or commented. It was a challenge I made to myself to see if I was able to write everyday. I usually think I need to "be inspired" to be able to write, and now I know that I can write even if there is nothing in my head but sugarplums when I sit down to the computer. I know I won't blog every day, but I am hoping I can keep posting on a much more regular basis. I am so very grateful for your encouragement.

In times gone by, the men went calling on the ladies on New Year's Day. The visits were short and expressed good wishes for the coming year. 

             HAPPY, HAPPY NEW YEAR TO US ALL!

CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN DAY 25

 A CHRISTMAS WISH: 

AND TO ALL MANKIND, PEACE AND GOODWILL

CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN DAY 24

A Christmas Wish: 

This day and tomorrow and always

As all through your lifetime you go

May your stockings be filled with good fortune

With never a hole in the toe.

                              Anonymous

Hurry and hang your stocking if you haven't done it yet. Santa will probably leave an orange and maybe some chocolate coins. At one time he left "clear toys" which were bright candies I read about in a book by Tasha Tudor. I think there was only one place they could be ordered from, so Santa really had to be on top of things to get them in time for Christmas. Stockings when I was younger and then when my children were small were filled with good treats and toys. I firmly believe that stockings are not for the practical. When I first got married many years ago, my new husband did not understand the stocking concept. He had gotten them while growing up but I'm pretty sure they were filled with socks and underwear. John, my newest husband never hung stockings when he was a child. I was astounded. No stocking! It's the best part of Christmas. For a few years, I gave my three young sisters money and had them shop for my stocking stuffers. As they all got older we filled stockings for each other. They were little things, some pretty, some funny, and some very funny. One year a sister managed to fill water guns, and when we opened them, we had a squirt gun fight. Another year I bought everyone bright red whistle lips. We also got notebooks, and pens, makeup, jewelry, and all sorts of surprises. It was so much fun, but eventually they all moved away, and we discontinued it.

Lucky for me, my girls were old enough by that time to be initiated into the Stocking Stuffers Secret Society. We manage to get together at our family celebrations to open our stuffers. It's still my most fun and favorite tradition.

I used to hang stockings for everyone as we kept adding to the family. At one time we had eleven stockings hanging and a Santa bag for the eight grandchildren. Once we started to lose some of our dear ones, I didn't have the heart to hang stockings at Christmas. If I started again we would have seventeen adults and thirteen grandchildren. So I guess that is one tradition I won't bring back. The stuffers with my girls will keep on going forever!

My fireplace stocking is a little bit small, so until I get a new one, I use this one. Good thing I've been very good this year.

CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN DAY 23

 A Christmas Wish:

When you hang a bunting or a banner you will have instant festivity. It always works.

The first time I noticed bunting was probably the brightly colored rows of pennant flags advertising used car lots and political events. (!!!) This was when I was a child. Bunting is often used to signify a celebration and is finally becoming more popular in the United States. Now you'll see it at birthday parties, weddings, holidays, and especially Christmas. It has been popular in Europe since the seventeenth century. It is often referred to as pennants, garlands, or banners. Actually banners are usually one larger flag rather than a row of individual ones.

They are much more prevalent in Britain. I was in England during Queen Elizabeth's Diamond Jubilee in 2012. Different buntings were everywhere, inside and out. It was like a big party, every where that I looked.

I have been making buntings and putting them inside my house for several years. The holiday ones are always favorites, but I will hang them just about anywhere.

I made over 100 fabric yo-yo's for this bunting. These are also called suffolk puffs, which is a much prettier name. I keep this one up most of the year.

An unknown quilter made many of these pieces years ago, yet never finished them into a quilt. I folded them in half, and they were the perfect size for this. I added a few wooden beads and sometimes a bit of lace. I have made several of these.

Twenty five of these triangles form pockets that can be an advent calendar. The flaps are held closed by little pins with the numbers on them.

Buntings can be made from all sorts of fabrics, ribbons, tulle, lace, and pictures. They are only limited by imagination and weight.

(Apologies for state of the pictures. My phone and laptop are still not speaking)

CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN DAY 22

A  Christmas Wish

 Technology. It's the way of the future. 

Well, it has finally hit me. Christmas is just too soon! I want that week back that we didn't get because of a late Thanksgiving this year. I've actually been feeling a little bit on top of things lately. I've been pretty proud of myself that I have managed to write every day. I am not usually a person who makes challenges to herself. I know I can break them while feeling very little guilt. But this one (writing something every day until Christmas) has been going pretty well. Until today. Writing has been the easy part of this endeavor. There is a lot I've found to say about Christmas. The snag has been the pictures. Finding and uploading takes me a lot longer than putting the words together. Today the phone and computer are fighting. I think they are serious and want to end their relationship. I can't upload my photos. No matter how many times I try. My memory is low. I cleared my cache. I don't even know what those things mean. 

Today's post is postponed until tomorrow. Today I did some shopping. I usually follow a basic rule of never shopping on a Sunday. It sounds like a religious thing, but it's not. I just really don't like the wait and the crowds. I don't think I have ever, ever, ever shopped on the last Sunday before Christmas. And hopefully, never again. I will be out again tomorrow though. What is wrong with me this year?

I also wrapped. Well, a few things. I need more wrapping paper, too. And where are my gift tags?

No sugarplums for me tonight. I will be dreaming about electronic devices. The nightmare before Christmas.

CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN DAY 21

 A CHRISTMAS WISH

May the good things we remember become our cherished traditions.

Sometimes holiday traditions happen by accident. Suddenly a person will realize that their family has always done things a certain way, and that they always will. Other times they are a cherished memory and you can't imagine celebrating any other way. There are many family customs, but there are also traditions that come from one's heritage. In the United States, we are such a blend that we borrow from other countries and make them our own.

A Candle In the Window: 

Placing a candle in the window is a tradition that goes back centuries and is thought to have Irish origins. I've always heard it was a symbol of the star of Bethlehem, and was to welcome travelers and the Baby Jesus.  I've also learned it's to bring absent family members home.

Feast of the Seven Fishes

This is an Italian American tradition. It includes having seven kinds of fish for dinner on Christmas Eve. I know a few families who are sure to do it. Theories of how it started say that homesick immigrants were the first to make it popular. Some say it represents the seven hills of Rome, or the seven sacraments, or the days of the week. Some families will have 12 kinds of fish to represent the Twelve Apostles. Seven is probably enough, but I do like fish.

The Book Flood

In Iceland there is a tradition of reading books on Christmas Eve. Newly published books are listed in a catalog called the Journal of Books which is distributed to all households and signifies the beginning of the Christmas season. This is called Jolabokaflod and translates as flood of books. Books are exchanged on Christmas Eve and are the most popular gift. Staying up, reading new books, and drinking hot chocolate sounds like a delightful way to spend the 24th.

Christmas Crackers

These little packages were first made in England in 1847 by a candy maker as a holder for the Christmas sweets he sold in his store. They quickly became very popular, and were copied by other businesses. As party favors they were later filled, with a small toy, a paper hat, a silly joke, and made a popping sound when pulled to open. They are still continued a proper part of Christmas. Who doesn't like to wear a paper hat?

Family Celebrations

There are many more family traditions. I think everybody has at least one. New Christmas pajamas or even matching Christmas pj's for everyone, including the pets, is a big one for some families. And be sure to get a family picture. Sometimes these photos end up being the Christmas card. My family must be the worst for remembering to take pictures. We hardly have any where everyone is smiling and posing prettily. There are lots of candids though showing the backs of people's heads.

Once we went to a movie on Christmas day. I was surprised at how many people do that.

Driving around to look at the holiday lights is fun. There are always big light displays, but if you don't want to pay and wait in long lines, then you are sure to find some beautiful homes and some neighborhood houses all done up like the Griswalds.

CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN DAY 20

 A CHRISTMAS WISH

May your Christmas kitchen smell of happy memories and love.

Easy Christmas Toffee

Ingredients:

1 cup butter

1 cup brown sugar

one cup chocolate chips

one sleeve saltine crackers

nuts or sprinkles for topping

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350 degrees. Line baking sheet with foil. Make sure to use a sheet with edges. Line up crackers on foil.

Melt butter and sugar in small saucepan. Cook over low to medium heat until boiling. Stir occasionally. Let boil for 3 to 4 minutes. Stir when you feel like it.

Pour mixture onto saltines and spread quickly. Bake for a few minutes until mixture is bubbly. This is usually 4 to 5 minutes. Don't overbake.

Remove from oven. Put chocolate chips on top. Let set a couple of minutes. Spread with a spatula and add chopped nuts or Christmas sprinkles to top.

Refrigerate to chill for about 2 hours. Cut into squares or break into pieces.

This lasts two weeks in fridge (haha). It can be frozen.

My Optional Story

I have a good friend who cooks and bakes a lot.  She says " Don't give me a story when I want a recipe." She doesn't care if your grandma made it or if it was always your favorite, or if it makes you happy when you remember it. Just the facts, ma'am. (Remember Sargent Friday on Dragnet)

Well, I'm not much of a cook, so I like the stories. I first found this in the back of a paperback mystery I read. You know how they all seem to have recipes in them anymore. I can't remember the name, but I liked it. When I was a more disciplined person, I would make this as a treat and keep it in the freezer. During one of my many moves I donated the book and lost my recipe. Luckily, I saw it on the Internet. But, it had so many variations! My advice. Keep it simple. Don't have your oven too hot. Don't cook it too long. And don't put too many toppings on it. Enjoy! Oh yeah, sorry to my friend for the story. I can't help it.