I am mostly an online shopper. I love the convenience, the almost instant availability, and especially being able to shop in the middle of the night. That can be a problem since we all know that no good decisions are ever made after midnight.                                                                                                       

When I was a teen, shopping with friends was a favorite activity. In fact we used to get dressed up to go shopping. I also liked to take the entire day to shop by myself. It didn't happen often, but I always looked forward to it. As a young mom, the grandparents would watch the little ones on Friday nights so I could go to the grocery store and mall by myself. Jim worked from 6am to11pm the first few years of our marriage, so I didn't get away by myself very often. Most of the time I had a gaggle of children with me. They were usually pretty well behaved. They do still shudder at any mention of  "The Pink House", which was a needlework store I loved to visit. They didn't. It was in an old victorian house and wasn't really very child friendly. 

Most of the places I shopped were pleasant. Many of the small boutique stores would have an area for children with color books and small toys.

I've always liked the little stores, junk stores, and antique shops. It's been a long time since I spent a whole day at "The Mall". In fact I still think of our largest retail mall as new, even though it's been here for over twenty years.

I did go shopping for a while yesterday. I don't last a whole day anymore. My local craft store (JoAnn's) has closed, and I have a really hard time finding what I want at the other stores. So it wasn't my most successful trip. And, of course, now it is Christmas in July. Nearly half of the places I went have tremendous displays of Halloween and Christmas items. I am not ready yet. But, by the time I am, I already know that the items I want will be sold out.

My main objective right now is to shop from the things I already have. I already know that I will never live long enough to actually use all the things I've already accumulated. But, why is it that I never have the one item that I need?

Happy July!

 July is my birthday month, and I am immature enough to celebrate it like a child. In fact, now I celebrate all month. I know a lot of people say that they don't even notice their birthdays or think the day isn't special, but I have always believed that it should be an exciting and whimsical day. After all, we only get one birthday a year.

I think that since it is the middle of the year, and the middle of summer, that should be enough of a reason for a party. When I was a teen, my friends all gave me a surprise party for at least two of my birthdays. One was a regular boy/girl party, and I think I found out about it ahead of time. I remember that someone (my boyfriend, I think) gave me a Barbra Streisand album. She was one of my favorite singers. The second party was early morning. I was staying at my friend's house, and everyone woke me up. I remember my orange pajamas, and bright blue scarf covering my pink sponge hair rollers. Everyone else was dressed. I was so happy that only girls were invited to that one. We had a delicious breakfast and presents. I still think that was a really clever way to have a surprise party.

Through the years there have been lots of family birthday dinners, and time with family. I have had a lot of birthdays.

Once we drove into the country to buy a load of antique bricks to make a patio at our first house. The truck broke down, and it was a hot and crabby day. And then we unexpectedly sold the house, and never even got to use the patio.

I've always tried to take the day off work for my birthday. Usually I've gone shopping by myself, or out to lunch with a friend. When I couldn't get the day off, I was probably whiny and miserable. One year, my work friends had a little party for me, and someone sent me flowers, so I actually got a lot of attention. They even decorated my desk.

One terrible summer, I had a birthday in the middle of radiation treatments, and the nurses brought me a cake. They had noticed the date on my chart, and surprised me with it. Cake always makes a bad day better.

Another time I attended an embroidery class with a nationally known teacher who had come to Iowa. That was an enjoyable day. I did refrain from telling a roomful of strangers that it was my birthday, even though I was singing Happy Birthday to Me on the inside.

 I like to celebrate from midnight to midnight. I have always believed the whole day should be memorable. Many times I've written in a journal, reflected on the past year, and made resolutions for the next one. I also try to do a tarot card reading.

One year everyone forgot my birthday. Everyone. That was the year I decided to celebrate by myself, and make sure every year was special.

My first year alone, I was going to buy myself a little present every day. That only lasted a few days because I spent my whole budget on an antique desk that I found and loved. It had to spend a few years in storage with most of my other furniture when I lived in the fraternity house, but I was thrilled to get it back again.

Birthday cards are another thing that I keep. That probably isn't a surprise to anyone. I really like the nice ones. I used to get a monkey card almost every year from my late husband. He knew to also get a pretty one too. I'm glad that John hasn't kept up the monkey tradition.

One tradition that I do every year is to make a New Moon List on the first New Moon after my birthday. It sounds very greedy, but the list has to be physical things that you hope to get in the next year. The first one I saved was in 1992! I put them in a sealed envelope and open it on my birthday. I did forget once and made the list on a full moon instead. I don't think any of my wishes came true that year. I put the date on my calendar. It's a silly tradition, I know. I'm not even sure where I learned about it.

I believe everyone should make their own silly traditions and that whenever your special day is, it should be celebrated. I'm planning to have a good July. I hope you are too.

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Daily Joys and An Anniversary

As I was idly looking through past blog posts, I started reading them all. When I got back to the beginning I realized that this is my anniversary month. I started my blog in June, 2005. It was first called "The Victorian Gypsy". Twenty years ago!!! Sometimes I feel that maybe I am still writing about the same things. And then I realize that of course I am, because these are the words of my life. I've talked about things I like to do, things I like to see, things I like to make, people I have loved, houses where I've lived, and moments that broke my heart.

I keep coming back to the same stories, hopefully with a new twist. I am always looking for ways to be more organized. I always like to decorate my house with items that have a history or are handmade. I only like recipes that are quick and easy. I still procrastinate. I enjoy traveling and reliving my trips through photos. I also like to make lists, and keep notes that don't always make sense when I read them later.

There were lots of times when I didn't write. I had moments of deep grief when it was all I could do to keep going through the fog. I can see those times in the blank spaces, but I didn't want to write about them here. I need to write, but I didn't always want to share.

Before I started blogging, I had a group on Yahoo called "Living With Intention" or "IntentionalWoman". It never had a big following, but I had big plans. This was during a much busier time in my life, when I expected every day to have a happy ending. It looks like my head was full of the same stories as now! Here are a few excerpts from those writings. They were many years ago but are still relevant:

"I am concentrating right now on decluttering--my life and my head. I read that it is very important to list your complaints and clear out what you don't want. This helps us to see the things that we do want. Then list the five things that are most important to you. Make these your daily joys and try to do something every day that relates to these five.

Are you making time for these five things? I discovered that I am consistently putting the most important items at the bottom of my list--just because I think I will have time to do them eventually"

"Think of all the years passed by in which you said to yourself "I'll do it tomorrow," And how the gods have again and again granted you periods of grace of which you have not availed yourself.                                  It is time to realize that you are a member of the Universe, that you are born of Nature itself, and to know that a limit has been set to your time. Use every moment wisely, to perceive your inner refulgence, or 'twill be gone and nevermore within  your reach."          --Marcus Aurelius (Roman Emperor 161-180AD)

Perhaps this quote from his Meditations sounds a bit dark, but that is not my purpose. There seem to be a lot of books and articles lately about slowing down, taking time for your life and doing the things that really matter. After years of thinking that maybe there is something wrong with us if we can't do it all, and that we should feel guilty when we take time for ourselves, suddenly it is okay to examine our lives and concentrate on the things and people that really matter. This is good. But, it is hard to do. Some days our lives are just a series of loose ends and minor annoyances, and no matter what we do, we haven't made a difference. That's why I am trying to remind myself of my own Daily Joys--they make me glad that I am here today and that I am heading in the right direction. As a culture, we don't like to believe that our time on earth is limited, even though we are conditioned to think that we never have enough time and that we are always rushed and overscheduled. Being busy and overworked and overwhelmed makes people feel validated. We think that we are the only ones who can do our work correctly. And that is not good.

How many of us are living for tomorrow? As I look around my home and office, I see so many projects, some unstarted, many unfinished. How much time do I really think I will have to do all those wonderful crafts and quilts, collages, and dolls? When will I write the best seller that surely lives within me somewhere? Sometimes it is so hard to be realistic about the way to spend time, because the process can be as involving as the project. When I am living for tomorrow I just keep starting new things, without the joy of completion, because I am counting on having those "periods of grace"

What Time Does the Clock Say?

I am not now, nor have I ever been a morning person. I've never really had a sleep schedule, except when I needed one. When my older children were teens, I didn't get up until they were done fighting over who got the bathroom. Every.schoolday.morning. We had two baths, but one had better lights for hair and makeup. After they were both beautiful, then I would get up with the younger ones. With five kids in ten years, there was never a dull morning. I enjoyed staying up late at night, when it was quiet. That's when I was at my most creative.

Spending nearly five years as a fraternity house mom didn't help my sleeping patterns. The House was pretty noisy til after 2am, and there were often fire alarms, police visits, general rowdiness, and cars slamming into our corner drive in the middle of the night. There were eight accidents while I lived there. It was a bad corner! Thanks to my now husband John for being my Prince Charming and rescuing me. (I really did enjoy my frat house adventures. Most of them.)

Just from my past history my brain doesn't want to go to sleep very early. I try to be in bed by midnight, but that doesn't always work.  Unfortunately, the earlier I retire, the longer it takes me to go to sleep. Tossing and turning. Wondering and worrying.  I love to stay up late at night, for a few reasons. I still like the quietness. Sometimes I watch tv, or read, or write, or sew. I drink herbal tea . And then I go right to sleep when I finally go to bed. However, I no longer have the stamina to follow that schedule more than a few nights in a row. When I stay up too late, I get cranky and need a nap. And not just a little nap. And if I don't take a nap, I want to sleep late on the mornings I don't have to go somewhere and be social. Then the only thing that makes me want to get up is the thought of coffee. I love coffee in the morning. I consider it essential. Curiously, I am mostly decaffeinated now, so that isn't my motivator.

This morning, after going to bed at 2:00, I accidently woke up at 6:00 and decided to be productive. I celebrated with freshly ground regular coffee in my french press. It was a gift from a friend, and I enjoy it when I am having an occasion.

          I always believe in occasions. 

 

 I have been on a diet or thinking about being on a diet for most of my life. Every day I start out making healthy food choices. But it usually doesn't last too long.

When I was very young, we moved next door to my nemesis family. They were all very tiny, delicate people, and constantly made me feel like a giant. In fact, my nickname became "Hippo". I'm not sure why, but that's what "BooBoo" called me. Now with a name like BooBoo, one wouldn't think he would have a lot to say about anyone, but he did. And I was crushed, from a very early age. By the time I was twelve, I had lost some of the baby fat, (with the help of my mother's diet pills!) and I went into the seventh grade without the ugly duckling image I had for so long. During my high school years and throughout my twenties and thirties I hardly ate. I was very careful. I seldom had dessert, and could make an Andes mint last a whole afternoon by taking teeny, tiny bites. I never felt thin, even though I must have been.

I went through all five pregnancies when doctors were advocating weight gains of less than twenty pounds. With one baby I only gained fourteen.

And then one day, I decided I'd suffered enough. I started eating dessert and never shared a mint again. And you can guess what happened.

I have been reading diet books forever. In fact, the first one I ever bought was called "How to Lose the Last 5 Pounds". I especially like to read diet books while I eat.

I've lost weight many times, but never as much as I wanted to lose. I was a regular at Weight Watchers for a while. More than once. I've tried the soup diet, the liquid protein diet, Jenny Craig, the protein shakes diet, the low carb and no carb, keto, south beach, egg and grapefruit, intermittent fasting, and more that I don't remember. I even buy Women's World magazines just to read the weekly diets. High protein, low carb seems to be the thing. I get lazy with anything I have to count, such as carbs, micros, macros, fats, and ounces of water.

I think I know what works for me, and I am trying to start it all again. If only I could follow the diet rules. I am sure there is some secret formula that I haven't learned. I'm reading a new book, and it stresses the right attitude. I think that may be where I'm a little low.

John has more willpower than most. I call him One Cookie John. He can actually eat one small cookie and be satisfied. Who does that?

He just informed me that he is on a diet. He will cut down, weigh himself a lot, and the pounds will fall off. Just like that. And I will probably eat the rest of the cookies by myself.

 Clear Lake is our happy place. John grew up spending some time there most summers. I had never been there at all until we visited about seven years ago. It is a beautiful and quaint little town in northern Iowa, with a lovely, peaceful lake.  

I have to confess that I have never been out on the water. I am the first to admit that I am not an outdoor woman. I know there is lots of swimming and boating and fishing, but not for me. I like to walk along the edge of the lake, and to put my feet in the water. And I like to admire the sailboats. 

When I was in high school I dated a boy for several months who summered and sailed at the lake. He always promised to teach me to sail. I was a lot more adventurous then and would have loved to try it. It was a pretty short romance, and he never kept that promise. Years later, we worked at the same place. I was a telephone operator and he was a Very Important Person. When I said hello he didn't remember me. That turned into one of my Most Embarrassing Moments. (Obviously, there is more to that story). But I digress.

There is an old paddle boat called the Lady of the Lake. We try to get on one of the 90 minute tours around the lake every single time we visit, but something always goes wrong. Either it is the dry dock day or it's too windy, or it doesn't fit our schedule. Once we got very, very close, and thought we were going to actually board, but there wasn't the minimum number of passengers. We only needed a few more, so those of us anxiously waiting tried to entice the people walking by, and even offered to pay a little extra. It isn't very expensive, so it would have been worth it. However, rules are rules and once again we didn't get our lake cruise.  

There is a 4th of July celebration that makes one feel like an old time movie. At the end of the day there are spectacular fireworks on the lake. We have only stayed to see the fireworks once, but it was very memorable. I will say that some of the regulars get very territorial about claiming and saving their places. But usually almost everyone is Iowa friendly. 

 The Surf Ballroom is a great place to visit. Almost everyone who was anyone in the music business played there. It started out with big bands, and by the 1950's rock n roll was the rockin thing!   It first opened in 1933 across the street from its' present location. After a fire it reopened in July of 1948. It is listed on the National Registry of Historic Places. Inside are framed autographed photos of hundreds of famous musicians. There is a great little giftshop and large dancefloor and the original booths. We've been there several times and always notice something different. It's open on weekdays all year from 8:00 to 4:00. During the summer season it is open half days on the weekends.   

The Central Gardens are wonderful to visit. There are twenty three gardens and displays that are always changing. Some of the other places we like to see are the historical society and the firehouse museum. Both are filled with history and information. There are many scrapbooks of local history. John's family lemonade business were venders there for several years for Fourth of July celebrations. We haven't found any photos yet, but we are sure we will.

Of course the main streets are filled with shops and restaurants. Sometimes we go for a day, but we usually like to stay for two or three. The hotels are reasonable. There are a lot of rental houses. Not inexpensive, but they are a nice treat. At one time, we dreamed of buying a house there, but decided we are a one house couple. I think I could live there, but I barely got John to move out of his neighborhood. It's much more fun to go for a few days during the nice weather and pretend. And that is what we will be doing later this week. Maybe this time we will get that boat ride. I am always optimistic!

      Nestled in northern Iowa, the picturesque town of Clear Lake captivates visitors with its pristine spring-fed lake and scenic charm. Conveniently located between Des Moines and Minneapolis alongI-35, it's a haven for travelers seeking relaxation. (from the Clear Lake Facebook page)

Bye, Bye, Birdies

Many years ago when I was much younger, my husband and I were looking at houses to buy. When checking out the kitchen, I opened a cupboard door. The inside was covered with pictures of birds, articles about birds, and information about feeders and seeds. We looked at one another, and laughed a little, because, obviously, this was a house that belonged to old people. Much older than us.

But now, I have noticed that I am very partial to birds. How does this happen? Is it a rite of passage to the world of Elderly? I think it must be. I notice that I am not alone. 

I enjoy a lot of British television, and I have noticed that birdwatching is often included in the plots. I did a little research and discovered there are three distinct varieties of people involved. They are the Birdwatchers, the Birders, and the Twitchers. 

The birdwatchers enjoy seeing birds in their natural habitat. They might like to take a little stroll and look for birds. Maybe they will take their cameras and binoculars, but basically they just want to enjoy the sights.

The birders want to take a little more time and equipment. They are ready to record every little detail, and maybe even report their findings to somewhere official.

And finally the twitchers. For these super explorers, it won't get much more serious. It sounds like they are on high alert most of the time, just waiting to find the best and most unusual of the species, and willing to travel miles to observe them. 

Of course, in my favorite British mysteries, someone is often likely to be murdered along the way!

In addition to the real thing, I notice lots of little birdies in my decorating style. When I look around my house, I see this:

I guess I started collecting pictures of birds without even knowing that it was happening

How could I resist this sweet little family?

I love these dishes. Unfortunately, I only have one lonely little saucer.

This charming little hat needed a bird. Many were endangered during the nineteenth century, when they became popular for millinery. The Audubon Society helped to protect them

More pictures!

Birdies hiding about the house.

There are many more, but I think I have proved my point.

Before we moved, we had two birdfeeders outside the kitchen window, and really enjoyed seeing our visitors. We left them for the new owners because our neighbor has countless feeders in his yard, so we get to watch them.

As with most items I keep, there are many legends about birds, and many stories about the things they mean. Goldfinches are bright and shiny messengers of good luck and optimism. Robins bring hope and synchronicity. Seeing a wren tells you that all is well and that your creativity is blooming. Sparrows signify love. Bluebirds are my favorite. They are associated with love, happiness, and harmony. They symbolize life and beauty. Cardinals often remind us that those we have lost are near.

Weekly On Wednesday

Recently, I have been trying to put my life into a notebook. I feel like I need to have it written out, so that I can just look things up. The things I need to do, want to do, forgot to do, and will never do. Do other people get this feeling, or am I living just a little bit on the wonky side of life?

There was a time that I did many things. I raised five perfect children. I was the Queen of the Carpools. I kept everyone's schedules in my head and in my planner, and mostly got them all where they needed to be. I had a job that I loved. I made and sold creative things. I volunteered. I wasn't much of a cook, but I kept them all fed. Most of that was my husband's department. After all, we owned a restaurant. No one starved.

Now I have lots of time, and less to do. I feel like I am frittering it away because I don't know where the time goes. I just know that it goes much too quickly. That's why I'm working on the (book!) notebook. Throughout my life, I have kept several notebooks and journals, but purely in a disorganized, mismanaged way. Now I am going through these notebooks, and trying to make them all more coherent.  It may not happen as I plan. I have noticed that my thoughts haven't changed a lot in half a century of writing. I'm not sure if that is good or bad. I like the same things and I have the same faults and values. I am basically the same as I was as a young woman, except on the outside. (And that's another story.)

And that is one of the reasons I am going through all the writings. I  have mentioned before that I like to follow rules. But I have discovered that I am really not too good at following routines. When a routine changes, either for the better or the worst, everything falls apart. And then I need to make a new routine.

 I knew right where things were in the last six houses that I lived in. I love to label things and put them where they belong. In my favorite house I had the best cupboard ever. I bought it at an auction and it had 119 drawers. Unfortunately, it was too big for the room. We had to modify it into two pieces with shelves at the ends. And then we had it built in so I couldn't take it when I moved. That was supposed to be my forever home, but I have moved four times since then. I will always miss that house. I had over 300 drawers and several bookcases. I felt very organized.

John and I moved more than a year ago. We plan to be here until we are even more old and feeble. I love this house. It is a good place for us. We downsized a lot, which was a good plan. However, I am still looking for things. I used to know exactly where my Irish tea set was. And the battery charger to my dremel craft tool. And my spare set of car keys. And the notebook that listed what was in all my little drawers and boxes.  And all of my craft supplies. But now, there is chaos. Our lives have slowed down a lot but the days haven't and every day ends before I feel that I have conquered that chaos.

I still have a few of my labeled drawers. One is metal and I know John doesn't like it. But I think it's charming in an industrial sort of way.

Most of my things are in small boxes and drawers now, and I spend way too much time trying to find what I need. 

My dream is still to find the perfect cupboard again even though I know my dream should be to get rid of the things I like to put into drawers.

Happy Mothers Day

 Celebrating

Today is a holiday for all the mothers, grammies, aunties, sisters, and daughters here in the United States. Although we think of it as a day to give women special treatment, and present them with gifts, dinner out, and flowers, it has a very different history.

Mother's Day was actually begun by peace activists after the Civil War. Ann Jarvis and Julia Ward Howe (of Battle Hymn of Republic fame) were responsible for getting the holiday started. Ann wanted to get mothers of both Union and Confederate soldiers to band together to promote peace. Julia was the author of the Mother's Day Proclamation in 1870. In it she urged the formation of an international group of women to prevent wars and bloodshed.

After Ann's death in1905, her daughter, Anna, made it her personal mission to make Mother's Day official. She wanted a holiday to honor mothers. The first church service of the new holiday was in 1907. In 1914 President Wilson signed a proclamation to make it official.

By the early 1920's it had become a Hallmark holiday and Anna Jarvis was not happy that it was so commercial. She wanted a simple church holiday to recognize mothers. She spent the rest of her life being upset at what it had become, and trying to get it removed from the calendar. She protested at a candy makers' convention and at florist shops, since pink and white carnations were the flowers associated with Mother's Day. She was even arrested for disturbing the peace.

Mother's Day is still very commercial and is one of the biggest holidays for sending cards and making phone calls to Moms everywhere. And I am sure there are a lot of homes where breakfast in bed and other surprises will be happening today.                             

And It's May!

 

Sometimes I feel like I barely turn around and the season changes. May is only minutes away, but I feel like it shouldn't even be Spring yet. Time goes by so much quicker than it used to. I always thought that the days were supposed to stretch out as we got older. Maybe that is true if you are alone. John and I spend a lot of our time together, which is very nice, but I'm sure there were many more hours in the day when I was by myself for several years. We have been married for more than five years now, and it feels like only a minute. We've recently had a few health related kerfluffles, which always makes me feel like the Grim Reaper has my address. Nothing serious, but it makes me think about the future. I've decided to start curating info about vibrant, interesting, and active old people, and stop reading obituaries of unfortunate souls who are younger than I am. I don't know why, but my mind is jumping all over the  place tonight. There was a time when a friend told me I was on her list of unfortunate souls. Fortunately, I snapped out of it.

Changing the subject, I finally got the Easter (and Valentine and St. Paddy!) decorations put away, and a new wreath made for the door. This was quick and easy fabric strips puffed and tied on a wire frame. I added a lace and fabric bow, and glued on some carefully opened seed packets. I didn't want it too permanent because I plan to use the fabric for another project.

We sprinkled the seeds in various places around the yard. It's not exactly a flower garden, but I want blooms for cutting. The additional flowers and a small container for herbs will probably be the only additions this year. I am still hoping that my sense of smell will come back, but I am starting to feel that it won't happen. That takes away a lot of my enthusiasm for gardening. We do have several small areas of flowers. I've already brought in daffodils, and some beautiful pink ones that I haven't been able to identify. It is fun to move to a new house and to see what the previous owners left as a garden surprise. This will be our second summer here.

I just realized that it's May Day, and I should have made May baskets. I guess that is another example of time getting away from me lately. I am actually trying to incorporate a schedule into my life again. I used to live by my calendar. I'm really glad not to have to be so regimented, but I feel like I barely get things done and then the day is over. Right now I could be making baskets or I could be going to bed. An easy choice tonight. Goodnight all.

APRIL SHOWERS

I live in an area where winter drags along for months and months, and we still experience an April blizzard every few years. I never find myself rushing into springtime. We turn the furnace off and on again a few times before we are ready to open the windows and enjoy the weather. But now the daffodils are blooming, and the flowering trees and bushes are everywhere. I think it just might be safe now, even though we had a dusting of snow last week.

It's been said that Spring is nature's way of saying, "Just one more time". This is the time for change and renewal, so I thought I would list a few ways to celebrate the season.

Go outside. Renew your acquaintances with the neighbors. Take a walk in the park. Play on the swings. Fly a kite. Hit some golf balls. Find a five year old to help you.

Visit a garden center. Mulch. Buy seeds. Plant vegetables. Plan a kitchen garden. Start a small herb garden. Buy some plants and put them in unusual containers. Just about anything can work, if you can put a drainage hole in it. Old decorative tins, pottery, mixing bowls, wooden boxes, broken chairs, leather pocketbooks and shoes are just a few containers. Try to stop yourself before you are putting geraniums in old plumbing fixtures.

Put your house up for sale. If that's a little drastic, then just pretend that you are going to move. Visit some Open Houses in your area and get new decorating ideas. Clean a closet. Give things away. Have a garage sale. Consider renting a space or a display case in a consignment mall or flea market. Many places will rent space for just a few months.

Start a fitness program--Every year it surprises and scares me when I realize that I can't keep wearing jackets and sweaters every day. Enroll in an exercise class, or start walking. And, no, it is never too late.

Go and do something just for yourself. Buy a fabulous spring bouquet. Have a department store makeover. Read a book out on the deck. Eat Girl Scout cookies.

I'd love to say that I do all these suggestions. Last year I put my herbs in an old tin bucket, and didn't add any drainage holes because it already looked pretty holey. It wasn't enough, and they only lasted half the season. Do as I say, not as I didn't.

It was our first spring and summer since we moved. It was exciting to see what flowers we had here at our new to us house. And now this year, we will know what to add. I am hoping that we have lilacs. Absolutely there will be zinnias. I love the bright colors and being able to cut them to bring inside. And marigolds need to go somewhere. We would like to add more rosebushes. We don't have a vegetable garden anymore. We just rely on the local farmers' market. One of our neighbors is a most prolific gardener, and is already spending hours outside every day. I'm hoping to get to know her better this year.

APRIL

The roofs are shining from the rain.

 The sparrows twitter as they fly,

 And with a windy April grace 

The little clouds go by. 

Yet the back-yards are bare and brown 

With only one unchanging tree— 

I could not be so sure of Spring 

Save that it sings in me.

 -- Sara Teasdale

 

 

The Victorian Gypsy

 I would just like to send a reminder that I had another blog before this one. I wrote The Victorian Gypsy from 2005 until 2020. You can find a link on the sidebar or here. I changed to The Second Story when I had some technical problems. For some strange reason, I still get more views on the old blog. I am trying to make them both productive. Just thought I'd put that out there.

NECESSARY FRIENDSHIPS

Make new friends, but keep the old. One is Silver and the other is Gold

People come into our lives

for a reason, or a season. We will all have a lot of friendships that don't last, and a few that we treasure throughout our lives.

Friendships come in all shapes, ages, and sizes. Some of my very dearest friends are more than twenty years older or younger

 than I am. I recently lost a lovely lady who was always a role model to me. I've often thought of her as the person I wanted to be when I grow up. I admired her style, and grace, and the way she treated people. She was a young 97 when she left us. I know she will be missed by many.

There are necessary friends. And there are friends of convenience.

To a child, every day can bring an opportunity to find a new best friend. Requirements are simple. Spending time together and "playing nice" are usually the only rules. Quickly, without even thinking about it--who was your first best friend? Do you remember why you chose each other, and how important that friendship was? Think about the secrets she shared, and the secrets you told. Did that friendship last, and do you know where he or she is today?

Eventually, we all grow up, and find we can have more than one best friend.

We have the friends that remember us as we were when we were young. This can have a disadvantage when they refuse to believe that one is no longer the fat, yet gawky girl with no self confidence and no particular talent. It can also be a comfort, when we don't have to explain our feelings or our motives to these friends, because they have know us almost as long as we've been here on earth. I have a group of friends that I feel like I have known forever. We usually only see each other once a month, but the camaraderie  we share has never changed.

Sometimes we are attracted to friendships with people just because they are different than we are. It is good to experience the way a different culture or economic level thinks and lives.

Neighbors and other parents can become our friends. New mothers often go through a time when they feel that there is no one to talk to that understands their feelings. This is the time to find a lifeline in a mother's group, or a book club. Our crafting group began when our children were babies, and it is still going strong nearly fifty years later! It is imperative to have some contact with other moms, so that you can reassure yourself that you are doing the right thing, and that there is more than one right thing to do.

There are school friends and work friends. Sometimes we can share the deepest and most private details of our daily lives with our work friends. Often, once we change departments or companies, those friendships can disappear. They have served their purpose. Other times these will become forever friends.

There are the kindred spirits. Kindred spirits are my favorite friends These are the people you meet and you know immediately that they will have a place in your life and in your heart forever. They are the friends who will support you, even when they don't agree with you. They laugh with you and they cry when you need to cry.

There are friends you can travel with. And there are also friends that you can't. Usually, before you take a trip with a friend, it is a good idea to talk about the basics. Does she get up before the sun, and does she understand your need for coffee first thing in the morning? For me, being flexible is one of the most important qualities. I have a few friends who are perfect as traveling companions. We always have a good time, no matter what happens.

When a woman's children have grown up, and she is no longer involved in school activities, or has retired, she may suddenly find herself without a close circle of friends again. This may be the time to join a group or a guild and find other women with that need for friendship. 

Some women I have known say that their husband or their daughter is their best friend. I never believed them when I was younger. There is a possibility I was wrong, but I still think we all need other friends.

I have been lucky in my friendships. But, perhaps luck shouldn't be enough. It is too easy to take a friend for granted. Today is a good time to make a new friend or renew a friendship.  I have a couple of women in mind. Join me as I make a call, send a note, or meet a friend for lunch.