Time Marches On

When is it time to start worrying about aging? I remember when I turned 50 and wrote an article I called "The Fifties Queen" about the ways people's attitude towards women changed. It was actually published on an author's website. (Jennifer Louden, who has written several books.) I thought for a while that would be a huge turning point in my life as a writer.  Obviously, it wasn't because it was twenty-six years ago!

I used to work most often with people who were younger than me. It seemed that as soon as the subject of age came up, I felt like co-workers treated me differently.  I learned that fifty is the age when many women think they are becoming invisible. Suddenly, it seems like your opinions don't matter as much.

Excerpt from The 50's Queen:

"Things change when you are fifty. You are suddenly in another age bracket in surveys. You are no longer the young mother, and you don't feel quite old enough to be wise. Doctors study your charts a little bit more and suddenly start ordering tests just to have a baseline. Hormone therapy is recommended as the immediate cure to any problems that you have now or may have sometime in the distant (or not so distant) future. Every question seems to have same answer-that you are fifty now, and things will be different. If you lose or forget about anything, it is suddenly attributed to your age, even if you have been losing and forgetting things for years."

One of the biggest jolts for me at fifty, was when my mom called to tell me that there was a big sale on underwear at a local department store. "Big, white, cool, and loose" she said. "Just the way WE like them." I was crushed. It was one of those moments when time stood still. She then went on to say that my younger sisters wouldn't be interested, but of course I would. It was a defining moment of my womanhood. I started asking everyone what kind of underwear they bought. I wore sexy bikini panties way longer than I probably should have, just because I didn't want to give in to reality. Now that I am older and wiser, I believe in comfort.

I am still losing and forgetting things, but now my friends and I know that it is because we really are getting older. And sometimes we wonder if our absent-minded foibles are just innocent mistakes or symptoms of something more serious. John and I are watching one another and putting a reminder by our exit door. He is a few years older than I am, so I have been teasing him about things that happen here. He has been known to go out to restaurants in his house slippers instead of his outside shoes. He has also forgotten his wallet more than once. He wears a hearing aid when he wants to and pretends he is listening to me the rest of the time. Sometimes we will miss an exit when driving. I am the one who forgets and loses my phone the most often. Just last night I came home from a funeral visitation and realized that my shirt was inside out. There was a washing instruction tag on one side seam, and a size tag for all the world to see. And of course, all the raw edges of the seams. It's a good thing we have one another for our old age.

WHAT I'M READING: I just started Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke. It is called a satirical and dark thriller about a trad-wife influencer. I haven't gotten very far yet and am reading it for an online book club.

Bright and Balanced

I have a "collection" of articles and journal thoughts that I have written over the years. Sometimes I go through them when I am looking for ideas. A lot of them were first written over twenty five years ago (and more) when my life was much busier and more complicated. Now they are out of date and have to be modified a bit if I want to use them. An example is my article about my first new cell phone. Most of my writings during those busy years was about organizing, procrastinating, housekeeping, families, holidays, and keeping everything in balance. I guess I still like to write about a lot of those subjects, but my perspective is a lot different now. My opinions are still probably about the same.

A favorite article was about balance. It was inspired by a visit to a coffee shop with a friend. This was so long ago that the offerings were just plain old coffee instead of all the fancy concoctions that we see now. The pots were labeled with the flavor and descriptions. The first one I saw was Vivid and Vibrant. It sounded exciting and mysterious. My friend went right to the brew labeled Rich and Robust. We had just been discussing finances and health, so I thought that was a perfect choice for her. After a little thought, I decided on Bright and Balanced.

Balance has always been one of my favorite words. I have a tendency towards balance in whatever I do. I never want too much of one thing or not enough of another. I've always felt more even when there is balance in my life. 

But, I have learned that it isn't always easy to keep that balance. Sometimes, our lives just get too busy. I have found myself going in too many directions at once and trying to accomplish too much. These are the times when we feel like we are trying to juggle bricks and feathers. No matter what we do it is hard to keep our lives at an even keel.

For me there are some classic hints when things begin to tip too far in one direction. Does this sound familiar? Are you suddenly missing appointments even when you've written them down? Or have you stopped writing things down, and just trust your memory? I can never do that. A few days ago, I completely forgot an afternoon with my crafting group that I had really been looking forward to. I hadn't done much of anything for several weeks because of my dreaded battle with shingles. They all had a lovely time without me but did make a darling bird's nest on a spring for me. I didn't get to have any of the treats though. I heard it was a very fancy tea party.

Perhaps you've noticed that you are misplacing your keys, or locking them in your car. If so, that is a sure sign that your life has gotten too complicated and out of balance. Take a deep breath, now e-x-h-a-l-e, and decide what you can eliminate.

When you add something new to your life, do you also give up something? Or do you keep squeezing in one more thing, one more appointment, one more event? Of course you do. We all want it all, and we want it all right now. Unfortunately, that isn't what we usually get.

Instead we may get tired and discouraged, because we are trying to handle too many things at once. If this sounds familiar, then it's time to start putting balance back into your life. Get some extra keys made and keep copies of your passwords and card numbers where you can get to them. I like to disguise them as phone numbers in my address book.

My life is so simple and uncomplicated now compared to how it used to be. I sometimes wonder if feeling unbalanced is because we are getting older and not because we are too busy. I'm not even going to mention that someone who shall remain nameless forgot to change from his slippers to his shoes when we went out to dinner a few nights ago. I might be getting punished for sharing that. I just lost half of this post when I tried to publish it and had to write it again. It may be too late for me to be Vivid and Vibrant.

Wedded Bliss

 

October 12 will be our sixth wedding anniversary. It's hard to believe that we have been married that long. I still think of us as newlyweds. Crazy young kids. Even though at our age, we should be counting every year as ten. That would make this our sixtieth. How time flies. We've decided to take a few days and celebrate in Galena, since it's such a cute little town and only a few hours away. We spent our original honeymoon in Laramie, even though that wasn't our plan. Our car (practically new) broke down, and so we spent most of our time either driving or being stranded or waiting around in dealerships. It wasn't the best way to start a marriage but we managed to survive it. Our trip was cut short, and we drove our loaner car home and returned in mid-December when ours was finally fixed. This was my first hint that John isn't a great traveler. One of my favorite places in Laramie was a bookstore called "The Second Story". It was upstairs in a building originally used as a brothel back in the wild, wild west. There were lots of little rooms.

The name may just sound familiar since it is what I call my writings. It seemed very fitting since this is the second story of our lives. It was also the name that I gave to my little she-shed cottage. Sadly, I had to leave it when we moved. My cottage and the front porch are the only things I really miss about our first house.

I have a very nice book of wedding photographs, but since it is the middle of the night and I should be packing for tomorrow I don't have much to show. 

Getting married for a second time is very different than the first. Jim and I were very young even though we didn't think so at the time. We were both barely nineteen. Keeping a home and a marriage were both very new to us and we learned together. We were married for almost forty-three years. After that I was on my own for nine years. I became very independent with my time and money. I got used to never telling anyone where I was going or when I would be back. I hadn't dated anyone until I started seeing John. I think we were both surprised that we fit so well together. And we were also surprised that we could love someone again. Every day I am grateful that he came into my life.

Usually, I don't spend a lot of time thinking about what I want to write. I just write from my heart. (I hear that a lot on cooking shows. "Just measure from your heart". It makes me laugh.) This time I really spent some time thinking about it. I asked John what he felt was different about a second marriage and what changes he had to make. He couldn't come up with a single thing. Of course, I had a very long list. Most of them are minor and not very important, but they were still changes in my life. When a person has lived many years as an adult, she becomes accustomed to doing things a certain particular way. And then she marries someone who is also used to doing things his own way. Most of these are not very important at all. They are just things I've noticed along the way. 

When we got married in 2019 I moved into the house where John had been happily living for over thirty years. It was a nice place but it never felt like mine. I always said he had the home court advantage because he had lived there so long. Two years ago, we moved to our house. It's the right home for us.

Here are some of the things that we never really think about because we have always done them our own way. One person has to change. I'm pretty sure it is usually the woman.

How do you make the bed?

What brand names do you buy?

How do you cook certain foods?

Are you a cuddler or do you like to sew and work on craft projects while you watch tv?

What kind of tv shows do you watch?

Do you like to be early or are you always late?

Do you stock up or wait until you are almost out of whatever?

What are your politics?

How do you put the toilet paper roll on the holder?

Which side of the bed do you sleep on?

Do you like to read yourself to sleep?

Do you go to bed early or late?

I'm not saying these are problems! We just don't usually think about why we do things the way that we do. It is hard to change after so many years of being a certain way. And so, we have our own bathrooms and never talk about politics. I am very happy with my Second Story. And I am wishing for many more anniversaries together.

EASE, ELEGANCE, and ECONOMY

 

I am a big fan of Jane Austen. Even more than her books, I like her letters. Even though she was born two hundred and fifty years ago, she said a lot in her novels of contemporary nineteenth century life that still make sense today.

She wrote a letter to her sister, Cassandra, in July of 1808 that contained this passage: "In the meantime for Elegance and Ease, and Luxury...I shall eat ice and drink French wine, and be above Vulgar Economy." Jane did like a good vacation.

Many years later I read these familiar words again in another book that I happened to find. This one was printed in  1971, and was one of my favorites when I was a young wife: 

It's out of print now but used copies can still be ordered through book stores. I liked it because it was funny, yet filled with charts and schedules. I remember she said that the only thing she really liked about housekeeping was arranging red roses in crystal vases. 

The words I remember most were her opinions on ease, elegance, and economy. Basically, she said that you can never have all three at the same time. You can always have two of them, but never all. And it changes. If you want to buy something, make something, entertain someone, or just do something wild and crazy for yourself, then one of these will have to be excluded.

It's possible to plan a party with ease and elegance, but not with economy, because you will have to spend more money. You can have an elegant, economical party, but it won't be easy, because you will be doing most of the work yourself. Or you can just throw something together and make it easy and economical, but you'll be missing all those fine touches that make it elegant!

I'm not sure why this has stuck with me for fifty years, but it applies to just about every situation. I'm not sure what happened to my copy of the book, but it is worth reading more than once. I remember making some pretty elaborate schedules when my kids were small. 

Another housekeeping book I liked was this one:

For quite a while I kept my whole life on index cards. The authors' motto was "We change lives with 3 x 5's. They were two sisters, Pam and Peggy, and were hilarious. They had a tv show for a while, and I always tried to watch it. They were even keynote speakers at a convention I went to, and let me be their assistant, because I wrote them a really schmaltzy fan letter. They wrote back to me. I probably still have it somewhere. I finally got rid of all their newsletters, and instantly regretted it.

Another homemaker author I enjoyed was Peg Bracken and her "I Hate to Cook" book and "I Hate to Housekeep" book. As people can probably tell, I am drawn to the funny and the ridiculous advice books, as long as they teach me something I want to learn.

And, then, of course there is Martha Stewart, who tried to make us think that we could have the Three E's, although I never feel that economy is involved. One year I wanted to use one of her Christmas ideas, but I realized that just the ribbon would cost my entire budget. And Martha isn't funny. Impressive, but not funny.

Today, I still enjoy all the housekeeping and decorating tips, but am becoming addicted to YouTube videos. Everyone I see has a perfect life. Recently, I've been watching several of the videos called "Wise Elders Insights." They are filled with good advice for our twilight years, but not with a lot of humor. They are narrated with a very soothing voice that makes me feel like I must have known Jane Austen personally.  (I might be a little touchy since I just had a birthday!) I'm still hunting for the perfect clean your house, organize your day, be clever, and enjoy your life and laugh whenever you can information. I know it must be out there.

Seventy Six

 

I celebrated another birthday yesterday. I received this cute little red velvet cake in the mail. It is cake for one (but I will share) and even came with a candle. It was a good day but on the quiet side. I did a little shopping and went to the thrift stores everyone seems to love lately. We were going to go out, but both decided to order a pizza instead.

I am really a pretty quiet person. I like to stay home. I can go days and days without leaving my house. Last week I had to be social four days in a row. I went to a funeral, a family reunion, a birthday dinner, and a long lunch with friends. That might not sound like a lot, but it was. Except for my cousin's funeral, they were all enjoyable occasions, but still wearing. Does this mean I am old? As a friend says, anything over seventy-five is almost eighty. And I am getting a lot more Facebook ads for wrinkle cream.

It really doesn't seem like almost a year since I wrote "Seventy five at Seventy Five." I just read it again, and I hope you will too. Parts of it make me feel pretty profound.

76. Make sure to actually do more of the things on my list this year.

 I am mostly an online shopper. I love the convenience, the almost instant availability, and especially being able to shop in the middle of the night. That can be a problem since we all know that no good decisions are ever made after midnight.                                                                                                       

When I was a teen, shopping with friends was a favorite activity. In fact we used to get dressed up to go shopping. I also liked to take the entire day to shop by myself. It didn't happen often, but I always looked forward to it. As a young mom, the grandparents would watch the little ones on Friday nights so I could go to the grocery store and mall by myself. Jim worked from 6am to11pm the first few years of our marriage, so I didn't get away by myself very often. Most of the time I had a gaggle of children with me. They were usually pretty well behaved. They do still shudder at any mention of  "The Pink House", which was a needlework store I loved to visit. They didn't. It was in an old victorian house and wasn't really very child friendly. 

Most of the places I shopped were pleasant. Many of the small boutique stores would have an area for children with color books and small toys.

I've always liked the little stores, junk stores, and antique shops. It's been a long time since I spent a whole day at "The Mall". In fact I still think of our largest retail mall as new, even though it's been here for over twenty years.

I did go shopping for a while yesterday. I don't last a whole day anymore. My local craft store (JoAnn's) has closed, and I have a really hard time finding what I want at the other stores. So it wasn't my most successful trip. And, of course, now it is Christmas in July. Nearly half of the places I went have tremendous displays of Halloween and Christmas items. I am not ready yet. But, by the time I am, I already know that the items I want will be sold out.

My main objective right now is to shop from the things I already have. I already know that I will never live long enough to actually use all the things I've already accumulated. But, why is it that I never have the one item that I need?

Bye, Bye, Birdies

Many years ago when I was much younger, my husband and I were looking at houses to buy. When checking out the kitchen, I opened a cupboard door. The inside was covered with pictures of birds, articles about birds, and information about feeders and seeds. We looked at one another, and laughed a little, because, obviously, this was a house that belonged to old people. Much older than us.

But now, I have noticed that I am very partial to birds. How does this happen? Is it a rite of passage to the world of Elderly? I think it must be. I notice that I am not alone. 

I enjoy a lot of British television, and I have noticed that birdwatching is often included in the plots. I did a little research and discovered there are three distinct varieties of people involved. They are the Birdwatchers, the Birders, and the Twitchers. 

The birdwatchers enjoy seeing birds in their natural habitat. They might like to take a little stroll and look for birds. Maybe they will take their cameras and binoculars, but basically they just want to enjoy the sights.

The birders want to take a little more time and equipment. They are ready to record every little detail, and maybe even report their findings to somewhere official.

And finally the twitchers. For these super explorers, it won't get much more serious. It sounds like they are on high alert most of the time, just waiting to find the best and most unusual of the species, and willing to travel miles to observe them. 

Of course, in my favorite British mysteries, someone is often likely to be murdered along the way!

In addition to the real thing, I notice lots of little birdies in my decorating style. When I look around my house, I see this:

I guess I started collecting pictures of birds without even knowing that it was happening

How could I resist this sweet little family?

I love these dishes. Unfortunately, I only have one lonely little saucer.

This charming little hat needed a bird. Many were endangered during the nineteenth century, when they became popular for millinery. The Audubon Society helped to protect them

More pictures!

Birdies hiding about the house.

There are many more, but I think I have proved my point.

Before we moved, we had two birdfeeders outside the kitchen window, and really enjoyed seeing our visitors. We left them for the new owners because our neighbor has countless feeders in his yard, so we get to watch them.

As with most items I keep, there are many legends about birds, and many stories about the things they mean. Goldfinches are bright and shiny messengers of good luck and optimism. Robins bring hope and synchronicity. Seeing a wren tells you that all is well and that your creativity is blooming. Sparrows signify love. Bluebirds are my favorite. They are associated with love, happiness, and harmony. They symbolize life and beauty. Cardinals often remind us that those we have lost are near.