SAD STORIES

 I have always liked to write. Writing my thoughts is the way I comprehend how I feel. I don't write every day although I would like to. I have the idea that sitting at my desk and writing for two hours every morning would turn me into a "real" writer. Unfortunately for me, all I really want to do in the early mornings is drink coffee.

Someone just told me that she likes reading my work because she finds it comfortable and comforting. I like these definitions. I also want it to be relatable and funny and a little bit whimsical. And sometimes it is heartfelt and heartrending. This is one of those times.

I lost a dear friend a few weeks ago. She was a few years older than I am. She was a mentor as well as a friend. I am sorry that I didn't get to know her sooner. I will always miss her.

This week the granddaughter of one of my friends since childhood died in a tragic auto accident. The circumstances were much like the jury case that troubled me so much just a couple of weeks ago. What price can you put on a life? She was only nineteen. Hers was a life that was barely lived and ended before it should have been finished.

Every death, every funeral reminds us of all the others we have been a part of- our grandparents, parents, aunts, uncles, friends, and colleagues. We know in our hearts that we will lose them at some point in time. But we never think that we will outlive our children. And that should not happen.  As I talked to my friend today she said that a tragedy like this was what happened to other people, but not to her family. I remember when those were my thoughts too, before my son died in his sleep at the age of thirty. Yes, every death is a reminder. My mind flashes back to the night I sat at my first husband's bed and cried all night because I knew he was going to be taken off life support the next morning. So young, 19. So young, 30. So young, 62.

I ache for my young friend. I sent her family strength and prayers because Strength is what we need to get us through these times. It is almost required to send prayers. Do prayers help? I don't know. I don't believe that prayers will change an outcome. I lost that faith when my son and husband were taken from us just a few short months apart. I never got it back. I envy those who still have it, but, for me, it's gone.

I've learned some truths since I realized that death is not what happens to other people. Don't worry about having courage and being brave so that others won't be uncomfortable. Cry as much as necessary. Talk. Remember the good times. Tell your stories. Let someone listen. Say their names. Hold on to one another. Scream in a car in a dark parking lot if it helps you feel better. Drink tea. 

Do whatever you need to do. Jim washed and ironed all of our son's shirts because he said that Rich wouldn't want to know they were wrinkled. I slept with my grown son's baby blanket for six months until my husband hid it away. And then he was dead two months later, so I slept with his shirt and the blanket!

My deepest griefs have been several years ago, but they never go away. Funerals always bring them back just like everything happened yesterday. I have learned to be happy again, but it is never an easy journey.

This may not have been comfortable, and certainly not whimsical, but it was a story I needed to share. Be safe everyone. I send us all Strength.

What I'm reading: I'm still enthralled with ancient Rome. Just trying to get through my library books before they are due.

BE MINE, VALENTINE

Christmas is over, but before the merchandise was even put away, the aisles in stores were filled with items for Valentines Day. I'm not sure who wants to buy cards and toys and chocolates and flowers early in January, but they have certainly been available.  

I've barely gotten things packed up this new year, so my heart and valentine collections aren't out yet. I am hoping that next week will all be back to normal. I do love hearts. I am not so crazy about pink except at this time of year. And I love the sentimental. I only want to see the pretty ones. 

Many of us remember decorating shoe boxes and collecting valentines at school. When I was in primary school I don't think there was a rule about giving valentines to everyone. So it was really a kind of popularity contest. I think I usually fell somewhere in between low and middle. I'm pretty sure everyone gets a valentine now. I don't know if they decorate boxes anymore.

There was a time when "Penny Dreadfuls" were popular. These were just what they sound like! They were also known as "Vinegar Valentines". They were cheap cards with impolite verses. A typical card might tell someone why she was destined to be an old maid. These were often sent anonymously and were popular from the 1830's up until the early twentieth century. There aren't as many of them around because the recipients often threw them away. I probably would have.

There really was a St Valentine. In fact, there was more than one. And there were lots of stories. He (or they) was martyred in the 3rd century. His feast day was on February 14 which coincided with the Roman festival of Lupercalia, which was one of those wild festivals that the early Church wanted to make disappear. He became the patron of love, romance, and marriage, instead of the popular Roman fertility celebrations.

Throughout the next several centuries, letters and poems were written to and by lovers and became known as valentines. 

There are many stories about them, but my favorite is about Esther Howland, known as the "Mother of the American Valentine". Esther belonged to a wealthy family in Massachusetts. Her father very successfully sold stationery and paper products. After Esther graduated from  Mount Holyoke Female Seminary in 1847, she received an elaborate English valentine from one of her father's business associates. As many of us are apt to do she said, " I can make that.". And she did. After ordering some paper lace and ribbons and stickers, she made 10 prototypes. Her brother took them and showed them to clients when he was getting orders. He came home with $5000.00 worth of orders and that began her business. She recruited her friends and they set up an assembly line on the third floor of the family home and began cutting and pasting. Her business just kept growing. She also had a cottage industry and dropped off supplies to women in the area and then would pick up the finished cards in a week. She operated her business for several years and sold it in 1881. She never married, even though she was surrounded by romance and lace.

Valentines have varied from plain to fancy. Esther's were known for paper hinges that made the lace stand out and little compartments and envelopes to hold a romantic token. The words were always on the inside rather than the front.

As time progressed there were fewer elaborate cards and more postcards. Don't forget to buy your Valentines before it is too late. After all, they've been in the stores for almost a month!