Weekly On Wednesday

Recently, I have been trying to put my life into a notebook. I feel like I need to have it written out, so that I can just look things up. The things I need to do, want to do, forgot to do, and will never do. Do other people get this feeling, or am I living just a little bit on the wonky side of life?

There was a time that I did many things. I raised five perfect children. I was the Queen of the Carpools. I kept everyone's schedules in my head and in my planner, and mostly got them all where they needed to be. I had a job that I loved. I made and sold creative things. I volunteered. I wasn't much of a cook, but I kept them all fed. Most of that was my husband's department. After all, we owned a restaurant. No one starved.

Now I have lots of time, and less to do. I feel like I am frittering it away because I don't know where the time goes. I just know that it goes much too quickly. That's why I'm working on the (book!) notebook. Throughout my life, I have kept several notebooks and journals, but purely in a disorganized, mismanaged way. Now I am going through these notebooks, and trying to make them all more coherent.  It may not happen as I plan. I have noticed that my thoughts haven't changed a lot in half a century of writing. I'm not sure if that is good or bad. I like the same things and I have the same faults and values. I am basically the same as I was as a young woman, except on the outside. (And that's another story.)

And that is one of the reasons I am going through all the writings. I  have mentioned before that I like to follow rules. But I have discovered that I am really not too good at following routines. When a routine changes, either for the better or the worst, everything falls apart. And then I need to make a new routine.

 I knew right where things were in the last six houses that I lived in. I love to label things and put them where they belong. In my favorite house I had the best cupboard ever. I bought it at an auction and it had 119 drawers. Unfortunately, it was too big for the room. We had to modify it into two pieces with shelves at the ends. And then we had it built in so I couldn't take it when I moved. That was supposed to be my forever home, but I have moved four times since then. I will always miss that house. I had over 300 drawers and several bookcases. I felt very organized.

John and I moved more than a year ago. We plan to be here until we are even more old and feeble. I love this house. It is a good place for us. We downsized a lot, which was a good plan. However, I am still looking for things. I used to know exactly where my Irish tea set was. And the battery charger to my dremel craft tool. And my spare set of car keys. And the notebook that listed what was in all my little drawers and boxes.  And all of my craft supplies. But now, there is chaos. Our lives have slowed down a lot but the days haven't and every day ends before I feel that I have conquered that chaos.

I still have a few of my labeled drawers. One is metal and I know John doesn't like it. But I think it's charming in an industrial sort of way.

Most of my things are in small boxes and drawers now, and I spend way too much time trying to find what I need. 

My dream is still to find the perfect cupboard again even though I know my dream should be to get rid of the things I like to put into drawers.