Looking Back and Forth

 I am a maker. I am not a do-er. I'm more of a watcher, and a see-er, rather than being involved and in the middle of whatever is going on around me. I'm a thinker, a reader, and not a person who makes things happen. I've been this way all of my life. I've always needed lots of alone time. And lots of quiet time. This hasn't always been easy. I was the oldest of five children, and usually the babysitter because of a pretty big age gap. After I started a family of my own, I also had five children. For many, many years there wasn't a lot of quiet time in my life. I enjoyed the hustle and bustle when I had children and would never give it up. I think my identity as "young mother" was my favorite. But I found quiet time by seldom sleeping. That was when I began staying up late at night, when everything was peaceful and serene. It was a busy time, and I did enjoy the games, and lessons, and gymnastic meets, and parties. As a family, we didn't do as much as most of the other people we knew. My husband was self-employed and his business took most of his time. We also lived in a hundred-year-old house, and continuous renovation took the rest of it.  He had a different schedule than most of our friends.  I had a very small crafts business and kept busy making pretty things in a darling old shed.

The picture was painted by my sister as a gift during those years. We called the shed Serenity.

 We joked that none of our trips ever lasted more than 23 hours. We were homebodies and we were very content. Years later when I married John, we compared our former lives. His was very busy. He also worked very hard, but they always seemed to be going places and doing things. He was a Coach for several kid's teams and was also a drag racer at many tracks around the midwest. Camping and parties with groups of friends and boating were some of their favorite family activities. To that I say a very hearty "No thank you." I can hardly imagine anything I would like less. Our lives were very different even though we knew a lot of the same people. We wouldn't have been a good match then, but we are perfect for one another now. He's slowed down, and I'm the one who always seems to have to go somewhere. I like to join things, but I often find an excuse to miss the meetings. I would rather stay home. My favorite place to go is still the library or bookstore. We do go to restaurants a lot. The waitresses always say "Just two?" I'm sure they all think that we have no friends.

As I read this back it sounds a little pitiful. It isn't. I must not be the only one who enjoys staying at home. As they like to say in my favorite British programs, "She keeps herself to herself."